Friday, December 12, 2014

When Aliens Came (to eat my brain)

The aliens came to take my brain, last night as I lay sleeping.
I tried to ignore them, but at last I implored them to turn off the noise that was bleeping.
But then they said through a hole in their head, that it wasn’t my brain that they wanted.
They wanted a part, that wasn’t my heart and continued to pester me, undaunted.

So I turned on my light and saw in fright, that they were all gelatin blob-ish.
Green and all bluish, and shaped like a shoe-ish, almost a little bit glob-ish.
They were making plans to invade our lands, or at least all the oceans on Earth.
They wanted my gut, only a single piece they’d cut, to see what to them it was worth.

Then I saw,  that they felt the major flaw, on their part was being all photosynthetic.
They wanted to eat, they thought it a treat, but didn’t have the needed genetics.
So they’d be studying us, didn’t think it a fuss, to take a piece I would offer.
But they already had, up in their lab, a mouth, some teeth, and the epiglotter.

They ask if I’d mind, donating to their kind, a part of my lower GI tract.
So I had a choice, to give a voice to the part  they had come to extract.
What would you choose, were you in my shoes, to give to some strange blue-green aliens?
My stomach?, my liver?, my intestines? Oh dither, can’t they ask another mammalian?

I felt kind of attached, to my gut, almost latched to all the parts that I had inside.
How could I persuade them to utilize their brain stem? another answer to provide.
Can’t they instead, do what our ancestors did and become a microbe symbiont?
Search the oceans for examples, the choices are ample, and end this bizarre experiment.

But they wouldn’t be persuaded, so I felt a little jaded, an answer would have to be found.
The epithelium lining to the serous membranes combining, what choice would be good and sound?
Inside my head, I thought of what my teachers said about all of my digestive tract parts.
The stomach, the liver, the pancreas, I shivered, oh what could I live best without?.

The stomach is useful and serves a frugal, place to store my whole dinner.
It’s stretches so great, and I know my fate, without it I would be much thinner.
it secretes the acid that keeps bacteria placid, and starts the proteins dividing
The signals it sends tells when hunger should end, and for hormones it does ample providing

It churns the food, until it does extrude through the sphincter to the duodenum.
It has microvillus galore, and that is all for the absorption to be quite optimum
The border enzymes marches to break down the starches,
then the blood takes the sugars away.
The liver adds bile, and in a little while the micro chorions are conveyed
through the lacteals , which is ideal, into the blood they are delayed.

The pancreatic juices have so many uses, and are not to be ignored,
it adds bicarbonate, that coordinates, ‘til neutral pH is restored.
It also contains enzymes amaze, trypsinogen, chymotrypsinogen,
carboxypeptidase, lipase, nucleases and amylase.

But should I forget the pancreatic islets, for the importance they do play?
They send the hormones, it does it alone, helping your blood sugar stay level all day.
Insulin links with cells and we think, it helps load them with the glucose.
In the liver it sends a quiver, to get some glycogen produced.
On the other hand when glucagon from the pancreas does swell
the glycogen the liver made no longer there doth dwell.

When the small intestine has had it’s say,
it goes through the ileocecal valve and gets pushed away.
There is it met by microbial pets, and gets even further digested,
ions and vitamins and  water are all from there sequestered.

As it moves up and around it often makes sounds and gasses do depart.
and then  all the brown starts bearing down, and through my anal valve comes a fart.
About every half hour I feel the power, as the haustas does contract.
and if I don’t comply, it will get dry, as more water it does extract.

My rectum and anus is designed in the plainness of layers of squamous epithelium
the layers of skin is a strong and yet thin way to protect me from painful delirium.
My anal sphincter’s my friend and keeps me from offend-ing all of my nice underwear.
its voluntary control, keeps me on a roll until I find a bathroom somewhere.

The aliens were waiting while I sat there debating, all of the if ands and buts.
So I  told them that in the end,  a piece of me they are not going to cut.
for I had decided, they’d be better off guided to have the GI tract in whole
How it’s connected with blood and lymph vessels, would help them reach their goal.
and better yet, they needed a complete set to see how it all fit together.

So I will vow, you can take me now, in the finals week of this semester!

When I Aced my A & P

When I Aced my A & P (with apologies to the author of “The Cremation of Sam McGee)

Strange things are done in the midday sun by students preparing their labs
they read the directions to start the dissections and then tentatively give it a stab.
These fluorescent lights have seen queer sights
But the queerest they ever did see
t’was that day in the lab, fetal pig on the slab,
When I aced my A & P

The formaldehyde will cause tears in your eyes and snot drip from your nose
you will try to breath, but the smell will cleave and stick to your hair and clothes
as you cut the pig it burns and stings and you think that you may faint
but there are structures to learn, it’s nearly time to adjourn, so you wont give no complaint

Cardiovascular system, veins and arteries I missed them as I cut my pig right through.
Pull the pericardium apart, so you can see the heart, the vena cava has a bluish hue.
Things I was supposed to get a good look at disappeared beneath my blade;  
“You mean I needed to know that?” I vowed to be more careful with the cuts I made.

The heart was out, and the lungs were flung, the brachial arteries exposed
The renal, gonadal, iliac and femoral, and the kidney sat juxtaposed.
Submandibular we found the salivary gland, and the epiglottis and the esophagus
Followed stomach rugae, the duodenum assayed, and we searched for the urogenital orifice.

From the external nares to the microvillii hairs, I felt I knew my pig well enough
Don’t have to worry about spelling, which is quite compelling,  Can the quiz be really that tough?
25 names of structures, Kay Rezanka would instruct us and then point to it we would.
So we hope and pray to make no guesses today, and see if our studying would make good.

Thyroid gland was found, a brownish mound, at the brachiocephalic junction.
Found the liver lobes, and then I took my probe and pointed to the bladder of urinary function.
10 more to go, I was on a roll, getting every one correct
I was doing so well, my hope began to swell until the one structure I did not suspect.

My head hung in shame, for I had forgotten the name of the structure that was before me.
So I sat there and stared, sifting through my memories in err, but the answer was not to be.
I thought it out logically, compared it homologically,  naming everything else I saw
I winced and I cried, brought a tear to my eye, this item was my one flaw.

Then I looked at my pig, tied and rigged , with the skin peeled from its face
Until I saw it’s eyes, in their baby size, staring back at me from space.
As the eyes stared at me they seemed say “I understand why you are doing this.
but I just wanted to say, since I have your attention today, here’s the ductus arteriosus that you missed.”

My brain was wracked, for I had cracked, but now I could scrape by
A glimmer I saw, and I was in awe, as a light beam, hit my eye,
Above the heart, just beyond the start, was the pulmonary trunk’s little connection
to the aortic arch, my mouth became parched, as I quickly made my selection.

Strange things are done in the midday sun by students preparing their labs
they read the directions to start the dissections and then tentatively give it a stab.
These fluorescent lights have seen queer sights
But the queerest they ever did see
t’was that day in the lab, fetal pig on the slab,

When I aced my A & P