No Promise of Tomorrows

 One of the challenges of mortality is balancing preparing for tomorrow and living life today because tomorrow is never promised.

If I absolutely knew I would have no tomorrow, I would be home playing with my babies, doggies, soaking up every ray of sunshine, taking one last sweet shot of sex with my hubby. I would drop all worries and go for comfort and experience, squeezing every golden drop I could from the last rays of light, and feel gratitude for the life I have had. I'd tell my children "Tomorrow, we go home to Christ."

Somedays, as the world tilts more into making tomorrow less likely, you begin to question the drive we have to carry on, as if nothing unusual is happening. Especially when that drive seems to eclipse both the actual preparation for tomorrow and the living life today.

Why go to work, go to school, when it reduces my current joy nor prepares me for what tomorrow will most likely bring? Why are we so good at pretending that tomorrow will just be another today?

This is a collective pretending. If enough of us pretend, it generally works, unless a disaster of man or nature actually befalls us, today will lead into tomorrow and be mostly normal. But as soon as enough of us stop pretending, it will fall apart. The lack of pretending tomorrow is normal will actually allow tomorrow not to be normal.

This is a two-edged sword. We do need tomorrow to be different if we want any hope of having enough resources to prepare for the future if we want to forge it into a liveable shape, but we also need tomorrow to be the same enough that we can use our current skill set to get things done as we prepare for the future.

Therefore, I submit the following advice (to myself)

1. Carrying on is important, but not in the "everything is normal" category, it has to be a carrying on that is designed to create a tomorrow we can/want to have.

2. This requires a focus shift. Stop pretending. Willingly acknowledge that tomorrow ought to be different. Figure out how you want it different and make plans how to get there. Ideally, our leaders should be doing this on a local, state, national, and worldwide scale. They are failing because big business requires our collective pretending. Without large-scale leadership, you will have to forge the best you can with whatever community you can join with. Find that community. Start plans and prepare.

3. Accept that you might have work to bring in the money you need to prepare for tomorrow ( and yes, paying your bills counts here). While you are working, you may have to pretend all is normal to do your job, or maybe your job is help prepare your work for this future we want to forge.

She sang

 "Prepare, oh prepare"

she sang as she planted her garden

 "Prepare, oh prepare"

she sang as she hung her solar panels

"Prepare, oh prepare"

She hummed as the wildfire smoke made her eyes tear

That wasn't fun

plague and earthquakes elsewhere were enough

but for it to come home

that was not fun

But she ate her saurkraut

as the world burned around here

tried to stay grounded 

doing daily chores,

 of which there were never any lack

New she sang songs of redemption

as she hung on

waiting through the dark

waiting for the light

What do we do now?

 I knew how to handle the lockdown, but now I am wondering how to handle the air quality alerts. Northern Minnesota is not the place to live if you don't like fresh air, trees, and sunshine. I survived the lockdown by being outside, but now being outside hurts. It's not just solved by wrapping my face in a scarf and not breathing the 40 below air directly into my lungs. The smoke/extreme heat is different. 

Yes, I have learned to wear a facemask while outside, and I have found several soothing things to do for my poor little throat,  but my eyes still sting, even in a building. And I am so tired of the confuffphany of fans and filters, instead of open windows with happily chirping birds or the soothing sounds of frogs at night.

This feels like a vicious circle, caused by climate change and causing more climate change. The windows are closed, even though it's cooler outside than the last 10 days, the A/C is on, the fans are on, the dryer is running because I cannot wash clothes just to dry them in smoke....

And I can't cook, as adding heat to a house that is barely cool enough to live in is a no-no.