Pandemic Momma

 Mothering in the Pandemic has gotten a fair amount of press this week, as a few voices, too exhausted to sleep have raised above the noise of the former presidential mess. 

Senator Romney and a few others have finally thought to think about families- financially exhausted, emotionally wiped and at the end of every rope they've got. Yet somehow every day we still hold most of the things together in between reminding ourselves not to hold or breath or break down in tears.

Logically, it shouldn't have been this hard. 

Just over a year ago, I had earned my black belt (karate classes with the kids an hour south of us, while getting my master's in English and teaching college an hour to the north of us... I managed that for 2.5 years, running like mad in every direction while still providing hot meals for the family most nights (crock pots are my friend).  I managed that with 8 kids.

But this pandemic is something else completely. I have 3 kids in college, most of the college teachers are new to trying to communicate on-line to their students. I end up as translator. Today that included finding information on how to do a topic proposal for a paper that we couldn't find in the class materials. For another kid that means helping translate a math teacher's attempt at pre-calc. For my autistic son, it is about helping him handle any speaking or public appearances in his on-line schooling. The next kids' struggle with reading and the tutoring arrangements went on-line. That depends on how crappy our internet service is today.  It is hard to work with teachers when you only get every other word.

For some of the on-line live class sessions, I spend the evenings running different kids over to my parent's house where the net quality is better.  And all this schooling is crammed into our living room. We have 7 computers and 3 kindles running in this living room most days. 

But it is lack of break that gets us. We can run like mad, and run and run, but we need to know there is a  break ahead. We need downtime with no one talking to us, no one cuddling with us. No one needing us. 

But it's 24/7 on call. Me time has disappeared between the kids needs and no escape. There is always one more piece of homework or kid who wants a story. There have been no playdates and that comes down heavy on Moms as kids turn to us for their friendship needs. (But how can we play, we got laundry to do?)

This summer when schools were shut down, then we could play... we worked the garden and played, and every morning I was left alone to do my 1/2 hour of quiet watering. But with school on there is no stop to assignments that are due. 

And I am tired. I love working with my kids, I love helping with math, writing and all that. But something is making this year particularly challenging ... maybe its just been too long. I would like a hair cut- a new style to complement the gray that has taken over those previously dark tresses. But it is not worth as much as helping my kids before they finally fly the coop. I would also like to exercise, and shower. I finally got a sorely needed shower planned for the morning, but managed to squeeze it in just past midnight. Everyday In the midst of the living room noise I make time to study from Come Follow Me- 10-15 minutes perhaps. And I carry my hairbrush around with me until I get my hair, unbraided, brushed and rebraided. And that is all I can routinely muster right now.

And I Am not balancing a job. I gave that up in hurry in March. Most mothers are balancing a job with these demands. But who's balancing the mommas?

I find the most challenging thing is the lack of thought cycles. I do not have uninterrupted time to think even a coherent sentence without a "Mom, look at this!" And all you moms know that we don't even have enough alone time when on the potty.

misreading 2020

 I saw a Christmas decoration of Santa peeing on a year sign of 2020. But I believe the sentiment is wrong. Not wrong like people don't get it, but wrong in assuming 2020 deserves to be peed on.

I think 2020  has given us a new perspective, of course in order to do that it had to seriously play with our old perspective, and perhaps that is what people don't like.

This year has several major challenges for those of us in the USA, and at least one or two for those of us world-wide.

We have the pandemic which I see as a challenge that has changed many ways things were done, has brought a new amount of tech in our lives. The pandemic has changed my life from one of running everywhere and eating 2-3 meals per day in my car to one where I am home, need to be home, to manage my kids on-line schooling stuff. (tech-love it, hate it). This summer I did massive amounts of gardening and loved being outside and watching plants grow. Using the produce also is fulfilling. Canning, drying, baking, freezing, it all makes eating a wrapped bar in the car seem kinda wrong.

Masks don't bother me. Sewing masks helped me feel useful to my fellow men. Wearing them makes me feel like I am respecting the life and rights of others, and research suggests it does.

Most of the social distancing doesn't bother me. In many ways, it helps me appreciate the interactions I do get with others, whether at the grocery store or stealing that hug from my mother. I do not mind wearing leggings all the time and not worrying about the PJs my preschooler refuses to take off. (I do worry about teaching him to wear clothes again, or finding out none of my pants fit anymore).

And I didn't really lose my job, it's there in some incarnation when I am ready for it (hehehe, maternity leave + on-line schooled kids) of course this made finances tighter, but there I am lucky and was just able to request the help I needed. I know many other people will struggle with this, but it is an opportunity to gain education or to hopefully find something better.

And that is one of the challenges of the pandemic is economic. Those who have money find that many local stores can not get things in that are selling because the factories have been shut down, or can't get raw materials in. I think it is opening many eyes to the challenges of long supply chains.

And of course, then there are racial tensions, the whites only notice it when it disrupts their daily lives or ends up on the news, even though it has been an underlying problem for hundreds of years. Being made aware is often not a gentle process. But the less gentle the process the more people may realize something is there.

And climate change marches on, bringing with it extreme weather events of all sorts. Apocalyptic scenes on the daily news. I realized as I was helping Ewan prepare a presentation on the Joplin F5 tornado in 2011, that no one says anymore that any single event can not be linked to climate change. It turns out it cans and has, since the outbreak of 2011 caused an increase in research and study. Basically, what happens as the arctic warms at 3 times the rate of the rest of the world this decreases the gradient of temps between the artic and midlatitude that causes the jetstream its stable course, so the jet stream ends up with big dips and curves and sometimes even ends up going longitudinally instead of latitudinally, that north/south movements locks the weather pattern in place and creates a longer front across the continent, bringing cold arctic air far south to bunch up with the superheated, moist air coming off the extra warmed Atlantic ocean and creating a perfect mix of stuff to produce strong storms of all sorts, and not just strong storms, but weather patterns that last for days instead of hours because the North/south jet stream patterns gets blocked into place. This blocking pattern also causes other weather to get locked into place- like the path of hurricanes this year, or dry - hot weather causing feeding the wildfires in the west.

And on top of all these fun things we have politics this year- oh yeah- a white house that has lied so often about so much that you know they have no clue what or where the truth really is, which makes it next to impossible to have a national response to any of the challenges listed above that we have faced this year. 

But the slowdown, that time to re-analyze instead of run. That time to focus on the really important- those things that truly matter when the rest of the world is upended- just happen to be the things that truly matter in eternity; Our relationships with God and our family (family can stretch to all the people we love). I believe that refocus change make 2020 one of the best years.

In many ways, this is the Best of Times

Now, I'll admit. I am fortunate. I have a full house of interesting people to love me and interact with me while we are locked away.  Just down the street is my parents. We have considered our houses as one and do not stay away from each other. But almost all other contacts, except the occasional doctor or grocery shop is gone.

And yet, it has not been all that bad.

I got my son back. My 19-year-old came home from college, moved his computer back to the living room. He has been cooking and being the driver for events. He has been there to help things run smooth, even as I spend hours a day helping him finish his college classes. He won't listen to the on-line lectures- so I get to step in and work with him on those items he misses. He is dedicated to maintaining his 3.8 GPA.

So we have all 8 kids home all day, every day. They spend a lot of time playing games together (many video/computer games). The little ones play hide and go seek and other games. We spend time every day playing fetch with dogs and pushing the littles on the swing.

We spend time every day watching something humorous together- laughing together. Our house wasn't built for a large family, so all 10 of us spend most of our waking hours sitting in the same room.- and we talk, we laugh, we confer together. What do we make for dinner? What groceries do we need? What do we name the baby?

Yes, we are expecting #9. And things shut down the week I called in sleepy to work on Monday and by Thursday I went to work and came home less than 1 hour later as news spread that we were social distancing at work. However, I haven't really worked from home. I have played. I have slept, helped with homework, scrubbed my own bathroom (our housekeeper is social distancing too). We made cookies together, popcorn balls, dinners (I think Nailed-It should have families goofing up together).

As church shut down, we started holding it at home; discussing the lessons, the readings. My boys who are too shy to participate in the sacrament at church, do so at home. My 9-year-old has learned to read- his tutoring went on-line. I am so glad we only have 3 kids with any on-line classes to try to balance. The first 10 minutes of every Zoom meeting is getting the technology to work.

Now my new reader sits on the couch reading some of the day. I can see his mouth sounding out some words.

When we do go out, it is more challenging, besides the normal struggle of finding shoes, we have to find masks. Everyone has their own. So far the only place the littles have gone have been to the chiropractor. We have kept our monthly visits, even as the dentist had to cancel all of theirs.

My parents have been an Angel for us. On Saturdays, they will often take the kids and we get a few hours of quiet to regain our sanity.

Yes, there are lots of big world problems to worry about, and I live a charmed little life. But I am so enjoying the time at home. Family time is the most precious thing we have in the world.