Writing a Seminar paper is a lot like giving birth to a baby.
Going into it, I get an urge to clean, only this time, not the kitchen, it is shelves of the library. I scour them for everything I can find related to my topic. I waddle out of there, my hands low, wrapped around the big belly of books that reach to my chin.
When the labor of writing sets in, there are lots of deep breathes, moans, squeaks. Inbetween expulsions of words, I get up and pace, looking for nourishment to fuel my task, to stretch my sore muscles. My back aches, my hips are sore. Sleep comes in fits. No diversion works for long, back to the pushing, relentless and seemingly never-ending, until in full bloom the paper emerges, full of the red squiggly lines, mucus of misspelled words and grammar mistakes. It needs to be cleaned off. It needs to be wrapped in the proper format.
Then exhausted, I sleep, snuggled up to dreams of concepts that came to life as the paper's ideas were born.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Friday, December 14, 2018
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
It's hard being a 10 month pregnant woman. Everything is sore. You're nauseous, but you can't eat, there is no room, yet you have heartburn and runs, and baby extends from your knees to your sternum. Then there is the sweating, always too hot with the internal heater heating your body ( the size of Godzilla) with enough BTUs that New York could become tropical.Your feet won't fit into your shoes nor your belly into maternity clothes. Every other step feels like a contraction and if baby moves or kicks the sensation is so big you can't breathe.
The baby belly is stretched so taught that your belly button disappears and when watermelon look at your belly they bow down in awe.
Then there is the changing of the hormones. It's kinda like pms, combined with cramps, multiplied by the work it takes to move the train engine size belly to do anything. . . Yes, I'm an ornery person trying not to bite your head off. Part of it is you can't sleep! For longer then it takes your kidneys to process an ounce of urine. And to move that pregnant belly out of bed 100 times every night, just so can pee takes some expertise in pre planning because of you move wrong in the slightest your extended, twisted and already sore abdomen muscles will send jolts of the most exquisite pain to the nerve center that you won't be able to move for another full five minutes- and on top of that you'll have to change your underpants, which at this stage of the game is nothing short of fun either.
Ok, enough with this pitty party, what I'm trying to say is that even though We feel like crap and the only thing we'd even dare go up in a beauty contest against is Thomas the tank engine, that we need your support. We need you to cuddle us and express to us that we are prettier than a train ( in fact I'd advise you don't you words like "train," "elephant," or "watermelon" when telling us how pretty we are.) rub our sore backs, bring us chocolates, and act like our watermelon, train size bodies turn you on, even though the chance of copulating around that thing drops every day. Baby us a little, spoil us a little. Pregnancy is not easy - we need your support
The baby belly is stretched so taught that your belly button disappears and when watermelon look at your belly they bow down in awe.
Then there is the changing of the hormones. It's kinda like pms, combined with cramps, multiplied by the work it takes to move the train engine size belly to do anything. . . Yes, I'm an ornery person trying not to bite your head off. Part of it is you can't sleep! For longer then it takes your kidneys to process an ounce of urine. And to move that pregnant belly out of bed 100 times every night, just so can pee takes some expertise in pre planning because of you move wrong in the slightest your extended, twisted and already sore abdomen muscles will send jolts of the most exquisite pain to the nerve center that you won't be able to move for another full five minutes- and on top of that you'll have to change your underpants, which at this stage of the game is nothing short of fun either.
Ok, enough with this pitty party, what I'm trying to say is that even though We feel like crap and the only thing we'd even dare go up in a beauty contest against is Thomas the tank engine, that we need your support. We need you to cuddle us and express to us that we are prettier than a train ( in fact I'd advise you don't you words like "train," "elephant," or "watermelon" when telling us how pretty we are.) rub our sore backs, bring us chocolates, and act like our watermelon, train size bodies turn you on, even though the chance of copulating around that thing drops every day. Baby us a little, spoil us a little. Pregnancy is not easy - we need your support
Sunday, February 07, 2016
Pregnancy secrets, we won't tell you in person
1. We bring an extra change of underwear to our exercise classes.
2. It still thrills us when our toddler falls asleep across our belly or on our chest.
3. Nothing fits comfortably, which is why we strip to almost nothing the minute we walk in the door. What fits where changes every minute of the day. Sometimes it depends on how to baby sit or if our breasts are going through one of their 10 pound moments.
4. You stink, the garbage stinks, the food smells either stinks or makes us drool. Fresh air can stink. I stink. Flowers stink, soap stinks,
5. Pregnancy makes you horny, and hungry, and horny and hungry, and of course tired. So all you want to do is pretend it's your honey-moon and eat, sleep and make love, over and over and over.
6. I love questions about parenting but hate about which kid is easier, boys or girls. In general there are a few similarities between girls that are different then boys, but each kid is so different, that I would have to tell you a detailed history of my child rearing days, and with 8 kids that would take all day, so I will just shrug and shake my head at you, unless, of course you want a day- long treatsie.
2. It still thrills us when our toddler falls asleep across our belly or on our chest.
3. Nothing fits comfortably, which is why we strip to almost nothing the minute we walk in the door. What fits where changes every minute of the day. Sometimes it depends on how to baby sit or if our breasts are going through one of their 10 pound moments.
4. You stink, the garbage stinks, the food smells either stinks or makes us drool. Fresh air can stink. I stink. Flowers stink, soap stinks,
5. Pregnancy makes you horny, and hungry, and horny and hungry, and of course tired. So all you want to do is pretend it's your honey-moon and eat, sleep and make love, over and over and over.
6. I love questions about parenting but hate about which kid is easier, boys or girls. In general there are a few similarities between girls that are different then boys, but each kid is so different, that I would have to tell you a detailed history of my child rearing days, and with 8 kids that would take all day, so I will just shrug and shake my head at you, unless, of course you want a day- long treatsie.
Wednesday, January 06, 2016
Pregnant with #8
Yesterday I heard this baby's heartbeat for the 1st time. It was good to have proof that the last 16 weeks of morning sickness has not been in vain. Being pregnant with #8 made quite a few people gasp, especially those who know we already have 4 with special needs. My husband and I, of course, have been wondering when should we get fixed and stop having babies. We knew we had to wait for after Arwen (she came #7, not #5, like we thought she would). And Arwen has been the dreamy, happy, cutie pumpkin that inspires us to smile and laugh at all the world holds. She is the child we wouldn't mind repeated. When she was born it didn't feel right to get fixed yet. 2 years later we could feel one was missing- the classic counting up the kids, and they are all there, but somehow one is missing. And sure enough over the full moon in September, we were horny little march hares and just couldn't get enough of each other without caring about birth control, when the time is right to conceive it is really really hard not to.
Yes, I have plans for my future. I am going to school full time in pre-med studies, pulling straight As. I am just your average almost 40, pregnant mother of 7, pursuing her pre-med studies, hoping to become a medical researcher MD at the Mayo clinic and revolutionize something useful and needful. Understanding autism would be fun, applying ground breaking research in neurology and dealing with the related fields of dyslexia and anxiety, but bringing dentistry into the new millennium would also be a worthy goal. Most likely, I will probably end up working on something that I can't even fathom at the moment.
When my first was born, I knew that I had found what I was born to do. I was born to do 2 things. First was to have babies (check, that can be counted as accomplished, mostly, I think), the second was to be a doctor or midwife. Because my first has autism, and required all hands on deck his first 12 years, I couldn't devote the time to continue my schooling until 13 years, and 5 kids, later.
.
So with all of this background and thoughts running through my head, I woke up this morning feeling like I want to have babies forever. Which, of course is a big cannon ball in the ships of logic. The advantage is, that I am mortal, and I assume I will follow a mortal course and nature will make it impossible for me to continue child bearing at some point. If I look at my grandmas: one had her last at 44 (thanks to birth control), and the other was pregnant at 50 (in 1956, and the doctors thought it was a tumor, until it starting kicking). If fertility actually declines as you get older (I haven't seen any personal evidence of that yet), then supposedly I should have less children in the next 10 years then in the previous.
So logic or feelings? Well logic has a major flaw. It has to have all the pertinent facts to draw a safe conclusion. Feelings, has a tendency to take into account, things we do not see or understand at the moment. And when in doubt, follow the path of love.
I like the simple things in life. The laughter of children, the work of daily living chores, the snuggling of a sleeping child on my chest, and a good bowl of beans while studying a physics text.
I dream of travel, of serving a mission in other countries and bringing clean water to villages. But I know happiness, no matter what circumstances you are in comes from within, and the life within me has the potential to bring me great joy.
Yes, I have plans for my future. I am going to school full time in pre-med studies, pulling straight As. I am just your average almost 40, pregnant mother of 7, pursuing her pre-med studies, hoping to become a medical researcher MD at the Mayo clinic and revolutionize something useful and needful. Understanding autism would be fun, applying ground breaking research in neurology and dealing with the related fields of dyslexia and anxiety, but bringing dentistry into the new millennium would also be a worthy goal. Most likely, I will probably end up working on something that I can't even fathom at the moment.
When my first was born, I knew that I had found what I was born to do. I was born to do 2 things. First was to have babies (check, that can be counted as accomplished, mostly, I think), the second was to be a doctor or midwife. Because my first has autism, and required all hands on deck his first 12 years, I couldn't devote the time to continue my schooling until 13 years, and 5 kids, later.
.
So with all of this background and thoughts running through my head, I woke up this morning feeling like I want to have babies forever. Which, of course is a big cannon ball in the ships of logic. The advantage is, that I am mortal, and I assume I will follow a mortal course and nature will make it impossible for me to continue child bearing at some point. If I look at my grandmas: one had her last at 44 (thanks to birth control), and the other was pregnant at 50 (in 1956, and the doctors thought it was a tumor, until it starting kicking). If fertility actually declines as you get older (I haven't seen any personal evidence of that yet), then supposedly I should have less children in the next 10 years then in the previous.
So logic or feelings? Well logic has a major flaw. It has to have all the pertinent facts to draw a safe conclusion. Feelings, has a tendency to take into account, things we do not see or understand at the moment. And when in doubt, follow the path of love.
I like the simple things in life. The laughter of children, the work of daily living chores, the snuggling of a sleeping child on my chest, and a good bowl of beans while studying a physics text.
I dream of travel, of serving a mission in other countries and bringing clean water to villages. But I know happiness, no matter what circumstances you are in comes from within, and the life within me has the potential to bring me great joy.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
still pregnant
I'm still pregnant, but just want to be left alone to die in peace.
I probably wouldn't feel that way if I was actually dying, but right now, I feel miserable and really just want my own quiet space to be left alone in.
Perhaps I am still trying to make room in my life for this baby and it's not coming easily.
And of course I am ridiculously hormonal and very easy to make cry.
I feel sorry for everyone who has to be around me.
I probably wouldn't feel that way if I was actually dying, but right now, I feel miserable and really just want my own quiet space to be left alone in.
Perhaps I am still trying to make room in my life for this baby and it's not coming easily.
And of course I am ridiculously hormonal and very easy to make cry.
I feel sorry for everyone who has to be around me.
Friday, July 19, 2013
What to eat when you are starving, but have no room for anything
I have read a lot of different opinions on what to eat when you are expecting, only the authors always seem to forget the last few weeks of pregnancy.
An article on that should be entitled "What to eat when you are starving, but have no room for anything."
I feel like that this morning. Baby is sitting in my ribs (but hasn't vacated my abdomen either). She is getting bigger and wanting to lay down the last layers of fat on her before she is born. However, I have been luckily to eat more then 1 peach at a time.
This also means that I can't bend over or take in enough oxygen to completely satisfy my system.
I have been convinced that babies neither know or care what discomforts they make you endure. A parents only satisfaction in that is hoping they become a grandparent someday and their kids learn first hand what troubles they caused just by being a baby.
Of course, I am not saying it's not worth the effort. The greatest joys in life (and the greatest sorrows) come from watching the antics of your little ones as you raise them and see them grow into real men and women. And then you are so proud of them. And when you stop to think about it, you are often proud of yourself, that you somehow managed to let them/ help them survive long enough to make it to adult hood.
I am the mother of 7. The things that made my scream and rant when my first couple were 2 year olds now make me giggle with my 6th being 2. Baby and toddler-hood gets a lot easier with experience. The oldest, braving new worlds of high school- freedom-experience- driving and other things are the ones that still cause stress. It is new territory for us. We have never parented through those phases before.
Anyways, back to the topic at hand... feeding yourself and baby when there is no room to eat. I just opened the fridge, looked at the fruit, veggies, hummus and meats. It all sounds nauseating, even though I am hungry. Maybe I will try some ice cream (vegan).
An article on that should be entitled "What to eat when you are starving, but have no room for anything."
I feel like that this morning. Baby is sitting in my ribs (but hasn't vacated my abdomen either). She is getting bigger and wanting to lay down the last layers of fat on her before she is born. However, I have been luckily to eat more then 1 peach at a time.
This also means that I can't bend over or take in enough oxygen to completely satisfy my system.
I have been convinced that babies neither know or care what discomforts they make you endure. A parents only satisfaction in that is hoping they become a grandparent someday and their kids learn first hand what troubles they caused just by being a baby.
Of course, I am not saying it's not worth the effort. The greatest joys in life (and the greatest sorrows) come from watching the antics of your little ones as you raise them and see them grow into real men and women. And then you are so proud of them. And when you stop to think about it, you are often proud of yourself, that you somehow managed to let them/ help them survive long enough to make it to adult hood.
I am the mother of 7. The things that made my scream and rant when my first couple were 2 year olds now make me giggle with my 6th being 2. Baby and toddler-hood gets a lot easier with experience. The oldest, braving new worlds of high school- freedom-experience- driving and other things are the ones that still cause stress. It is new territory for us. We have never parented through those phases before.
Anyways, back to the topic at hand... feeding yourself and baby when there is no room to eat. I just opened the fridge, looked at the fruit, veggies, hummus and meats. It all sounds nauseating, even though I am hungry. Maybe I will try some ice cream (vegan).
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Pregnancy Bucket List?
This will probably be my last pregnancy, although one doesn't know for sure until it is too late to have one, and as a result of spending 74 months of my last 15 years pregnant, I have kinda taken it for granted. I have always gotten pregnant before I every thought "gee, we should work on getting pregnant."
But this time it's a little different. I am a little older. The pregnancy is a little tougher. I have other things I am preparing to do in my life then birth babies (like help other people birth babies). This could very well be our last and I have never taken the time to celebrate the miracle that pregnancy and birth is. I have never taken the time to honor the process or make memories or mementos of it.
I think maybe this time I will.
I would like to do some belly picture, maybe a belly cast....
maybe we will do little cutsie baby photos- I've always enjoyed Anne Gedde's work.
I would like to birth at home again. Just me and baby and family.
But this time it's a little different. I am a little older. The pregnancy is a little tougher. I have other things I am preparing to do in my life then birth babies (like help other people birth babies). This could very well be our last and I have never taken the time to celebrate the miracle that pregnancy and birth is. I have never taken the time to honor the process or make memories or mementos of it.
I think maybe this time I will.
I would like to do some belly picture, maybe a belly cast....
maybe we will do little cutsie baby photos- I've always enjoyed Anne Gedde's work.
I would like to birth at home again. Just me and baby and family.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Be jealous deep thought!
When I dreamed that the long sought for answer to "life, the universe, and everything" was broccoli, I rolled over and went back to sleep.
When I dreamed the sunken treasure we just painstakingly pulled from the depth of the sea was broccoli, I rolled over and went back to sleep, but couldn't.
Ugh, Baby! You win again.
Hence, at 2 am, I am cooking broccoli.
When I dreamed the sunken treasure we just painstakingly pulled from the depth of the sea was broccoli, I rolled over and went back to sleep, but couldn't.
Ugh, Baby! You win again.
Hence, at 2 am, I am cooking broccoli.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Working Theory
I have a working theory into why I am going so crazy in this pregnancy. Every smell, every sound, every taste (except greens or chocolate) drive me nuts.
Its driving my husband nuts too. I love him, as long as... he has showered today, doesn't wear any deoderant, doesn't breathe on me and also doesn't smell of garlic. He would like to cuddle, but I have erected a wall around me that goes out about 4 feet. Some nights he feels lucky he is still allowed in bed. (Good thing it's a king).
I see this:
1. wearing maternity clothes at 8 weeks, belly keeps growing.
2. going crazy twice as fast as normal.
3. can't handle eating, even things that a minute ago I was sure I couldn't live out.
I think this: maybe I have 2 little ones who each have completely different tastes and opinions about what they like ruling my life.
Yup- kids can be like that. They will argue just to see how crazy they can drive you.
Either that or this kid is out to get me.
Its driving my husband nuts too. I love him, as long as... he has showered today, doesn't wear any deoderant, doesn't breathe on me and also doesn't smell of garlic. He would like to cuddle, but I have erected a wall around me that goes out about 4 feet. Some nights he feels lucky he is still allowed in bed. (Good thing it's a king).
I see this:
1. wearing maternity clothes at 8 weeks, belly keeps growing.
2. going crazy twice as fast as normal.
3. can't handle eating, even things that a minute ago I was sure I couldn't live out.
I think this: maybe I have 2 little ones who each have completely different tastes and opinions about what they like ruling my life.
Yup- kids can be like that. They will argue just to see how crazy they can drive you.
Either that or this kid is out to get me.
Friday, December 28, 2012
At least this time I know I'm Crazy
8 previous pregnancies, 6 of which to full term.... and only now in my 9th, I see myself for as crazy as I must have been in the others.
I know my nose could out sniff a canine's and my needs to remove every stick of deorderant and wiff of perfume from the house is strong- but that's been happening since my 1st pregnancy. My problem now is tangerines.
Tangerines, the innocent, sweet, little, fruit has become my arch nemesis. The mere whiff of one sends me into nausea induced rage. Oranges are a little, but not a lot, better.
I know my nose could out sniff a canine's and my needs to remove every stick of deorderant and wiff of perfume from the house is strong- but that's been happening since my 1st pregnancy. My problem now is tangerines.
Tangerines, the innocent, sweet, little, fruit has become my arch nemesis. The mere whiff of one sends me into nausea induced rage. Oranges are a little, but not a lot, better.
Friday, December 21, 2012
I am 8 weeks pregnant and am already wearing maternity clothes- explain that?
I think all my body needs to act pregnant is a wiff of pregnancy hormone before it knows the routine and runs the gambit of uncomfortable changes faster and faster. That's what happens when it's your 9th pregnancy.
Well I was walking out of the maternity clothing store, I felt a hint of dread. Like something was going to go wrong. Fortunately, I have enough experience in pregnancy failure, that I know that is not the feeling that actually means anything regarding it. It is just the hyperactive pregnancy brain that makes the dreams seem too real and the possibilities other then perfection more likely. Real pregnancy failure is more like sad resignation of nothing you can do.
I have been able to successfully shake that feeling. Largely because I discovered most of my belly size is gas, I have ridiculous amounts of morning sickness (for me) and because I was even able to find a heartbeat today- at 240.
With the way I am counting, I could actually be more like 10 weeks along. But I like to count weeks completed from my later possible due date- so that I why I say 8 weeks.
I think all my body needs to act pregnant is a wiff of pregnancy hormone before it knows the routine and runs the gambit of uncomfortable changes faster and faster. That's what happens when it's your 9th pregnancy.
Well I was walking out of the maternity clothing store, I felt a hint of dread. Like something was going to go wrong. Fortunately, I have enough experience in pregnancy failure, that I know that is not the feeling that actually means anything regarding it. It is just the hyperactive pregnancy brain that makes the dreams seem too real and the possibilities other then perfection more likely. Real pregnancy failure is more like sad resignation of nothing you can do.
I have been able to successfully shake that feeling. Largely because I discovered most of my belly size is gas, I have ridiculous amounts of morning sickness (for me) and because I was even able to find a heartbeat today- at 240.
With the way I am counting, I could actually be more like 10 weeks along. But I like to count weeks completed from my later possible due date- so that I why I say 8 weeks.
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Evil Mom or just snarky?
I haven't blogged as much recently. I think that is because I am
learning when to keep my opinions to myself- and maybe even learning how
to think less judgmentally about others. (maybe?)
I was just reading some of my old posts. I get snarky and ornery when I'm pregnant and sound almost as full of myself as the professional writers of opinion pieces around the internet. I think snarky is the way I try to channel ornery, so I am not so outright mean.
Of course most of my snarkiness comes when I am pregnant. And as I read it I wonder if I became that snarky in life too? Then I wonder what kind of amazing and tolerant spouse I must have to have managed to handle all 9 pregnancies with me. yup, we've been together almost 14 and of those 14 years I will have spent 4.5 years of it pregnant.
And another 9 years nursing. Luckily, the nursing hormones usually make the whole world lollipops and roses and sweet baby kisses... so that's not so bad for the dad, except that he has lost the ability to sleep in his own bed with just his wife (now it's often baby too) and has also lost a few play toys to the baby's oral fixation with nourishment.
I think part of the orneriness I get during pregnancy is an attempt to make space in my life for the time and armfullness of a baby. If nobody wants to be around me, then I can more easily take care of the baby, but when everyone thinks I need to do everything for them, then I don't have time or energy for a baby.
So poor Shannon, it is her turn to gain some independence. She just stomped out of here saying "I hate you." After I pulled her off of me when she not-so-nicely requested that I get her a pair of socks and in so doing leave the toddler alone in the bathtub. I told her I know she can get her own socks and therefore she should. What an evil mom I am.
If I understand why I am feeling ornery and snarky then it is much easier to be nice while I explain to my children that they can do it themselves and do not need me for every little thing. Of course, other times it is easier to just lock yourselves in your room and take a nap.
I was just reading some of my old posts. I get snarky and ornery when I'm pregnant and sound almost as full of myself as the professional writers of opinion pieces around the internet. I think snarky is the way I try to channel ornery, so I am not so outright mean.
Of course most of my snarkiness comes when I am pregnant. And as I read it I wonder if I became that snarky in life too? Then I wonder what kind of amazing and tolerant spouse I must have to have managed to handle all 9 pregnancies with me. yup, we've been together almost 14 and of those 14 years I will have spent 4.5 years of it pregnant.
And another 9 years nursing. Luckily, the nursing hormones usually make the whole world lollipops and roses and sweet baby kisses... so that's not so bad for the dad, except that he has lost the ability to sleep in his own bed with just his wife (now it's often baby too) and has also lost a few play toys to the baby's oral fixation with nourishment.
I think part of the orneriness I get during pregnancy is an attempt to make space in my life for the time and armfullness of a baby. If nobody wants to be around me, then I can more easily take care of the baby, but when everyone thinks I need to do everything for them, then I don't have time or energy for a baby.
So poor Shannon, it is her turn to gain some independence. She just stomped out of here saying "I hate you." After I pulled her off of me when she not-so-nicely requested that I get her a pair of socks and in so doing leave the toddler alone in the bathtub. I told her I know she can get her own socks and therefore she should. What an evil mom I am.
If I understand why I am feeling ornery and snarky then it is much easier to be nice while I explain to my children that they can do it themselves and do not need me for every little thing. Of course, other times it is easier to just lock yourselves in your room and take a nap.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Or I might just Eat my Hat
"Either I'm pregnant or I'll eat my hat. Come to think of it I'm so hungry I might just eat my hat."
Yeah, I said that to myself today. But I was at least right- and my hat can safely return to my head. After all it would be ashamed to eat such a beautiful and fuzzy hat as that. So instead I had a subway at 3:30.
That was after eating 2 large while grain organic cookies.
And on Monday when Shan was being put to sleep by the anastegeologist, he told me that he was giving her an anti nausea mess too. So I almost asked if I could have some too.
I've suspected since the 18th.... But didn't get a positive test until today.
That tells me this baby is probably a girl ( girls make me sick) and also probably due a week later then a doctor would tell me. Aug 4th is the date I'm looking at as a real estimate. At least it's not Sept 12th or after another 6 weeks of summer.
Yeah, I said that to myself today. But I was at least right- and my hat can safely return to my head. After all it would be ashamed to eat such a beautiful and fuzzy hat as that. So instead I had a subway at 3:30.
That was after eating 2 large while grain organic cookies.
And on Monday when Shan was being put to sleep by the anastegeologist, he told me that he was giving her an anti nausea mess too. So I almost asked if I could have some too.
I've suspected since the 18th.... But didn't get a positive test until today.
That tells me this baby is probably a girl ( girls make me sick) and also probably due a week later then a doctor would tell me. Aug 4th is the date I'm looking at as a real estimate. At least it's not Sept 12th or after another 6 weeks of summer.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Eagle has Landed
After trying some evening primrose oils- labor started on Saturday at 4cm. I labored slowly but surely the day away, was able to keep busy with light house work and stuff. Mom took the kids to the local garage sale and lunch and then kept them until bedtime.
At bedtime I slept 1/2 hr until contractions got too strong to sleep through. Then I got up and labored in the bathroom until 4am when I got lonely and turned the lights on and threw open the door. That brought Mike in to labor with me. We listened to music, talked a little and dealt with labor. In a few hours Mom came and got the kids and made them Star Wars pancakes.
Meanwhile I was getting emotionally drained. I couldn't tell if I was making any progress, and my water didn't want to break. At 3pm ish Mike announced he finished some of his school work, so I said good and started packing to go the the hospital. I had had enough and was going to get this over with one way or another.
Mom and Dad passed the kids off to Ryan and Amber and came and drove us down. We called first and the Dr had ordered an ultrasound to do when we got there. But the nurse was able to guarantee to the Doc the the baby was head down and that I was 7-8cm. I was satisfied, I had actually made real progress and just had to get through transition. There was real question about whether the water had broken. I was unsure, the nurse thought probably.
I turned down offers of pain meds, IVs and saline locks. I knew I could get through transition and birth without it. - And it would be much better for baby with out it.
So I labored for another hour or two and everyone was surprised that the baby wasn't born yet. Labor got harder and the doc came in to check me, he said I was 9 to easily 10, being extra stretchy and noticed that water had not broken yet. So he broke it and asked me to push to see if it would do anything or if I would need a c - section. The push in the position of sitting up made me want to swear at the doctor. The doc decided to leave me and go downstairs to see about a c- section. He thought the baby would be too big. Meanwhile, the nurse was trying to get me to lay back to check the baby's heartbeat, but I yelled "I got to move" and got one leg off of the bed before I groaned, screamed and pushed the baby out in 30 seconds. I didn't plan on doing it- I just had to.
The baby was caught by the hospital bed- and I yelled for someone to take him. He was still half inside me and I couldn't push any more. So the nurse finally grabbed the baby and I was able to sit back, much relieved. They rubbed my tummy and got my placenta out. The doc came in and was much surprised and relieved. He did a quick check and announced to rips or tears.
Everyone was thrilled. He was a big boy, weighed in at 10 pounds, 15 oz. 22.5"
And we were both still happy and intact.
In retrospect, all I needed was an experienced midwife and the home birth would have come off perfect- but those are hard to find in my neck of the woods, and as far as hospital births it was the best we could hope for.
Of course, because the hospital bed was so short and narrow and not padded enough- I was thrilled to go home in 24 hours- against the hopes of the hospital and staff.
If hospitals really wanted to keep you there longer- they would have big, soft beds, and Charmin toilet paper- and food that is fresh, whole grain and organic :)
Meanwhile my 5 kids and a husband with 2 term papers to write needed me at home.
At bedtime I slept 1/2 hr until contractions got too strong to sleep through. Then I got up and labored in the bathroom until 4am when I got lonely and turned the lights on and threw open the door. That brought Mike in to labor with me. We listened to music, talked a little and dealt with labor. In a few hours Mom came and got the kids and made them Star Wars pancakes.
Meanwhile I was getting emotionally drained. I couldn't tell if I was making any progress, and my water didn't want to break. At 3pm ish Mike announced he finished some of his school work, so I said good and started packing to go the the hospital. I had had enough and was going to get this over with one way or another.
Mom and Dad passed the kids off to Ryan and Amber and came and drove us down. We called first and the Dr had ordered an ultrasound to do when we got there. But the nurse was able to guarantee to the Doc the the baby was head down and that I was 7-8cm. I was satisfied, I had actually made real progress and just had to get through transition. There was real question about whether the water had broken. I was unsure, the nurse thought probably.
I turned down offers of pain meds, IVs and saline locks. I knew I could get through transition and birth without it. - And it would be much better for baby with out it.
So I labored for another hour or two and everyone was surprised that the baby wasn't born yet. Labor got harder and the doc came in to check me, he said I was 9 to easily 10, being extra stretchy and noticed that water had not broken yet. So he broke it and asked me to push to see if it would do anything or if I would need a c - section. The push in the position of sitting up made me want to swear at the doctor. The doc decided to leave me and go downstairs to see about a c- section. He thought the baby would be too big. Meanwhile, the nurse was trying to get me to lay back to check the baby's heartbeat, but I yelled "I got to move" and got one leg off of the bed before I groaned, screamed and pushed the baby out in 30 seconds. I didn't plan on doing it- I just had to.
The baby was caught by the hospital bed- and I yelled for someone to take him. He was still half inside me and I couldn't push any more. So the nurse finally grabbed the baby and I was able to sit back, much relieved. They rubbed my tummy and got my placenta out. The doc came in and was much surprised and relieved. He did a quick check and announced to rips or tears.
Everyone was thrilled. He was a big boy, weighed in at 10 pounds, 15 oz. 22.5"
And we were both still happy and intact.
In retrospect, all I needed was an experienced midwife and the home birth would have come off perfect- but those are hard to find in my neck of the woods, and as far as hospital births it was the best we could hope for.
Of course, because the hospital bed was so short and narrow and not padded enough- I was thrilled to go home in 24 hours- against the hopes of the hospital and staff.
If hospitals really wanted to keep you there longer- they would have big, soft beds, and Charmin toilet paper- and food that is fresh, whole grain and organic :)
Meanwhile my 5 kids and a husband with 2 term papers to write needed me at home.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
holding pattern
You know what it is like to be on an airplane above your landing airport after a long flight and then are informed by the pilot that you do not have clearance to land so you are on a "holding pattern" but meanwhile because you are so close to landing you had to store all your electronics and put your tray table up?
That is what my pregnancy is feeling like today. The flight is over, but I don't have clearance to land yet.
I am in a holding pattern and just want this baby to come so I can resume the rest of my trip in life.
That is what my pregnancy is feeling like today. The flight is over, but I don't have clearance to land yet.
I am in a holding pattern and just want this baby to come so I can resume the rest of my trip in life.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
3 days until my 2nd due date
well I am 3 days away from my due date- the one I calculated when I found out I was pregnant and not the one the ultrasound tried to tell me. The ultrasound dated this baby around 2 weeks ago.
Obviously he has yet to grace us with his presence. But I know that some babies need longer cooking times then other babies, I will let him finish cooking, trusting that he will enter the world how and when he should.
Of course this means that I am still uncomfortable, have ridiculous heartburn, and can often barely walk.... but having a safe, natural delivery- even if it means waddling around another week is preferable to the alternatives.
And yes, I have had contractions nearly every night for a month- but obviously that means nothing in and of it's self. The contractions are now stronger and crampier.... but they have yet to produce a baby.
And I also found out a few scary statistics about our local hospital.... the one I have planned as a "back up" should something go less then perfect. The c-section rate there is 57%. OUCH
That means that 57% of those who deliver there end up with 6 weeks of not being allowed to lift anything other then their babies and not being able to return to full activities for at least 6 weeks, and then could even have some post partum issues because of the lack of baby having hormones that help with attachments and breastfeeding. It also means that 57% of the woman who deliver there will most likely have to have another c-section if they want another baby.
A c-section with a first time mom might not be the end of the world- the only people you have to take care of then is you and baby. But a c- section for a mom of 6 is a death sentence for her house and near impossible to get enough rest to heal from properly.
And yet most c-sections in the US occur because we elect to have our babies when we want to. We don't want the inconvenience of waiting and cramping and waddling around until all known reasons to wait seem to evaporate into a pool of "I don't care how- just get this baby out!" feelings.
Over 50 % of attempted inductions end in a c- section. If you think about a 6 week recover vs waiting just a few more days until baby decides to come himself. It seems very short sighted of us to attempt to push the baby out early. But we Americans fear nothing more then inconvenience.
Obviously he has yet to grace us with his presence. But I know that some babies need longer cooking times then other babies, I will let him finish cooking, trusting that he will enter the world how and when he should.
Of course this means that I am still uncomfortable, have ridiculous heartburn, and can often barely walk.... but having a safe, natural delivery- even if it means waddling around another week is preferable to the alternatives.
And yes, I have had contractions nearly every night for a month- but obviously that means nothing in and of it's self. The contractions are now stronger and crampier.... but they have yet to produce a baby.
And I also found out a few scary statistics about our local hospital.... the one I have planned as a "back up" should something go less then perfect. The c-section rate there is 57%. OUCH
That means that 57% of those who deliver there end up with 6 weeks of not being allowed to lift anything other then their babies and not being able to return to full activities for at least 6 weeks, and then could even have some post partum issues because of the lack of baby having hormones that help with attachments and breastfeeding. It also means that 57% of the woman who deliver there will most likely have to have another c-section if they want another baby.
A c-section with a first time mom might not be the end of the world- the only people you have to take care of then is you and baby. But a c- section for a mom of 6 is a death sentence for her house and near impossible to get enough rest to heal from properly.
And yet most c-sections in the US occur because we elect to have our babies when we want to. We don't want the inconvenience of waiting and cramping and waddling around until all known reasons to wait seem to evaporate into a pool of "I don't care how- just get this baby out!" feelings.
Over 50 % of attempted inductions end in a c- section. If you think about a 6 week recover vs waiting just a few more days until baby decides to come himself. It seems very short sighted of us to attempt to push the baby out early. But we Americans fear nothing more then inconvenience.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
uncomftortablty large
ok - I have reached the stage of pregnancy where I am officially uncomfortably large (in the belly). No bands fit comfortably around me any more- weather it be a waist band or bra band- so nightgowns become my favorite clothes- although I often find myself longing to run around naked like a toddler in the summer.
I got a new stretch mark this week. The only way I knew it was a new one was because it was bright pink and still tender to the touch. It stretches all the way across my belly button and up into my ribs. I am beginning to wonder how much bigger can this belly grow?.... but I know better then to ask. The universe is happy to provide answers like that.
And of course people keep wondering when I am due. I tell them I am past one of my due dates and heading towards the next. Right now March 8th seems like an eternity away. And part of me would try to force the baby out, but I would prefer that he is fully cooked first and I believe babies are best at determining that. No body has every been pregnant forever.
At least that is what I keep telling myself. I have never found a reference in any of midwifery textbooks or readings regarding a pregnancy that went on forever.
Not surprisingly there are lots of answers to that on line..... many mothers must ask themselves that.
375 days seems to be the record of medical proof (280 is normal) and the baby was still under 7 pounds.
But if you are looking for extreme cases there are a few cases of fetal calcification that occur in extra-uterine pregnancies and one of those has been documented at 18 years, another lasting as long as 60 years. These are really rare events.
I got a new stretch mark this week. The only way I knew it was a new one was because it was bright pink and still tender to the touch. It stretches all the way across my belly button and up into my ribs. I am beginning to wonder how much bigger can this belly grow?.... but I know better then to ask. The universe is happy to provide answers like that.
And of course people keep wondering when I am due. I tell them I am past one of my due dates and heading towards the next. Right now March 8th seems like an eternity away. And part of me would try to force the baby out, but I would prefer that he is fully cooked first and I believe babies are best at determining that. No body has every been pregnant forever.
At least that is what I keep telling myself. I have never found a reference in any of midwifery textbooks or readings regarding a pregnancy that went on forever.
Not surprisingly there are lots of answers to that on line..... many mothers must ask themselves that.
375 days seems to be the record of medical proof (280 is normal) and the baby was still under 7 pounds.
But if you are looking for extreme cases there are a few cases of fetal calcification that occur in extra-uterine pregnancies and one of those has been documented at 18 years, another lasting as long as 60 years. These are really rare events.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Undenably Ornery
I have reached a stage of undeniably orneriness. I feel like I should be laughing manically at all the evil things I am doing now- just because I am ornery.
- I don't share my sandwiches with kids who are supposed to be in bed/
-I don't correct spelling when I read through home work papers- I actually make them look it up.
- I make the dogs stay outside all day
-not allow TV time because the didn't get all the dishes done.
- I don't wan to be sat on, pounced on, ran into or crawled over.
- I do want to be held and cuddled, but only if you don't want anything from me- and only if you are older then me.
-I wish children had volume buttons and dream of making a sleeping draft to give them at bed time.
- I am not sure if I can even hold a civil conversation face to face anymore. I will automatically respond snarkly and make some evil jokes about cats that come to harm. And if you don't laugh that would be a good enough reason to bite off your head.
- And speaking about biting heads off (naa...., I think I'll skip this point)
- I don't share my sandwiches with kids who are supposed to be in bed/
-I don't correct spelling when I read through home work papers- I actually make them look it up.
- I make the dogs stay outside all day
-not allow TV time because the didn't get all the dishes done.
- I don't wan to be sat on, pounced on, ran into or crawled over.
- I do want to be held and cuddled, but only if you don't want anything from me- and only if you are older then me.
-I wish children had volume buttons and dream of making a sleeping draft to give them at bed time.
- I am not sure if I can even hold a civil conversation face to face anymore. I will automatically respond snarkly and make some evil jokes about cats that come to harm. And if you don't laugh that would be a good enough reason to bite off your head.
- And speaking about biting heads off (naa...., I think I'll skip this point)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Grand Multipara
In many cases I am officially considered a "Grand Multipara" meaning that I have given birth more then 5 times. This changes the natural of labor.
In general the grand multipara has lots of prelabor and on and off again- then when real labor starts it is usually either easy or quick.
I think I first saw this effect with my 4th. Active labor (3cm to birth) was 25 minutes- this left me with no time to breath between contractions.
Number 5- went off and on again for about 1 week before I had an easy labor of about 1.5 hours. This labor left me in charge of myself and my birth.
Studies suggest that grand multiparas often have latent labor to about 6 cm- then the real work kicks in.
This seems to work pretty well for home birthers- we keep up with our life, ready for the baby to emerge at short notice, meanwhile our other children can get the attention they need and the laundry keeps getting changed and the floor keeps getting mopped - mostly because we got to keep busy so the waiting and unknowing of when our short labor will kick in won't drive us crazy.
There has been studies suggesting increased risk in grand multiparas- but studying into those studies and you will find that they represent the under-educated and poor folks of the wold- when adjusted to economic and health status they were just as safe if not safer then regular multi paras in giving birth. (assuming of course that drs don't interfere).
I have personally learned that my body works best without interference during and after labor. Generally I loose no blood and don't tear and the babies are strong and noisy.
I am excited though, because for each pregnancy I have increased my overall healthy eating standards and have been less medically involved, and often more physically active.
I look forward to another healthy baby in my arms, and the ability to sleep on my stomach again.
In general the grand multipara has lots of prelabor and on and off again- then when real labor starts it is usually either easy or quick.
I think I first saw this effect with my 4th. Active labor (3cm to birth) was 25 minutes- this left me with no time to breath between contractions.
Number 5- went off and on again for about 1 week before I had an easy labor of about 1.5 hours. This labor left me in charge of myself and my birth.
Studies suggest that grand multiparas often have latent labor to about 6 cm- then the real work kicks in.
This seems to work pretty well for home birthers- we keep up with our life, ready for the baby to emerge at short notice, meanwhile our other children can get the attention they need and the laundry keeps getting changed and the floor keeps getting mopped - mostly because we got to keep busy so the waiting and unknowing of when our short labor will kick in won't drive us crazy.
There has been studies suggesting increased risk in grand multiparas- but studying into those studies and you will find that they represent the under-educated and poor folks of the wold- when adjusted to economic and health status they were just as safe if not safer then regular multi paras in giving birth. (assuming of course that drs don't interfere).
I have personally learned that my body works best without interference during and after labor. Generally I loose no blood and don't tear and the babies are strong and noisy.
I am excited though, because for each pregnancy I have increased my overall healthy eating standards and have been less medically involved, and often more physically active.
I look forward to another healthy baby in my arms, and the ability to sleep on my stomach again.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Ready To Burst
Tonight I enter my "stay around home" phase of pregnancy. That means I am in my birthing safe zone and would not be surprised if baby made his entrance at any time.
And I feel ready to burst. Every other step feels like a contraction- I think it is just baby bones sticking out through all parts of my anatomy. Just about every part of me is sore and achy and when I look in the mirror I see a semi- truck, double loaded.
So far this baby reminds me most of Galen. That could be his size - or all the weight he made me gain. At least this kid is a picky enough eater to make me eat mostly healthy- plus all the good ice cream.
I have washed enough of his stuff for the first several days and have a nice stock of diapers, pads and the like ready to go.
The crib and new bedding have yet to arrive. I have enough for the first few days.
Mike wishes the crib would show so we could set up the nursery area.
Except for me feeling ridiculously uncomfortable, I could wait a few more weeks.... but he most definitely has my permission to arrive sooner then that.
The ultrasound showed him to be 2 to 2.5 weeks farther in development then the due date would indicate. Being that I never usually deliver somewhere between 39 and 40 weeks that puts me right around 39 weeks now. ... or the ultrasound is off and we wait until sometime in early March to burst. Unfortunately that feels like forever from now.
On your 6th baby there is no signs of impending birth like there was on the first 3. There is no walking around dilated at 3 cm for a week or 3. The cervix won't budge until labor starts- and then it knows what it's job is so well that everything will happen quickly- usually in less then a few hours. So this makes the "checks" the doctors usually do pretty useless. And it is pretty nice to know that there is one less reason for a stranger to have his fingers up your privates.
Baby drops and engages every time I stand up and disengages just as easily when I try to sleep. He must like sleeping in my chest. Soon he'll be sleeping on it.
And I feel ready to burst. Every other step feels like a contraction- I think it is just baby bones sticking out through all parts of my anatomy. Just about every part of me is sore and achy and when I look in the mirror I see a semi- truck, double loaded.
So far this baby reminds me most of Galen. That could be his size - or all the weight he made me gain. At least this kid is a picky enough eater to make me eat mostly healthy- plus all the good ice cream.
I have washed enough of his stuff for the first several days and have a nice stock of diapers, pads and the like ready to go.
The crib and new bedding have yet to arrive. I have enough for the first few days.
Mike wishes the crib would show so we could set up the nursery area.
Except for me feeling ridiculously uncomfortable, I could wait a few more weeks.... but he most definitely has my permission to arrive sooner then that.
The ultrasound showed him to be 2 to 2.5 weeks farther in development then the due date would indicate. Being that I never usually deliver somewhere between 39 and 40 weeks that puts me right around 39 weeks now. ... or the ultrasound is off and we wait until sometime in early March to burst. Unfortunately that feels like forever from now.
On your 6th baby there is no signs of impending birth like there was on the first 3. There is no walking around dilated at 3 cm for a week or 3. The cervix won't budge until labor starts- and then it knows what it's job is so well that everything will happen quickly- usually in less then a few hours. So this makes the "checks" the doctors usually do pretty useless. And it is pretty nice to know that there is one less reason for a stranger to have his fingers up your privates.
Baby drops and engages every time I stand up and disengages just as easily when I try to sleep. He must like sleeping in my chest. Soon he'll be sleeping on it.
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