Thank You

 When I said thank you that day, I meant it. Thank you for pulling me over, thank you for giving me a ticket, thank you for giving me a smaller speeding ticket than I really deserved.

It was a beautiful January day, the sky was blue. The roads were clear and I was going home from a nice little training. I felt like I was flying in the beautiful sunshine. Then my mom called and I wasn't paying much attention to that small highway. I started to feel like I was or could lose control, but the phone call was distracting me. Then I saw the lights in my mirror, glanced down and saw that I was moving my little beast at 90 mph, and quickly pulled over and hung up.

He asked if I knew why he pulled me over. I told him because I thought he saw me on the phone (and that was just made illegal to talk on a handheld phone in the car). Luckily, he didn't seem to register that and said it was because I was speeding. Naturally, I lied when he asked if I knew how fast I was going. I began to realize the potential danger he saved me from, but kept a straight face and sincerely thanked him. I have rolled a car before and all it would have taken was a small patch of ice, kept from thawing because of tree shadowing on this small winding highway. He then said he'd downgrade the ticket I should receive so it wouldn't stay on my record. I thanked him for that too. I realized the $100 was a very cheap price to pay compared to the other possible consequences. 

Some people get mad when they get pulled over or given a ticket, frankly, I was glad. So I will say it again. thank you, Officer, Just for doing your job.

Children have become a luxury.

Children have become a luxury.

Instead of new cars, I have kids.
Instead of a fancy house, I have kids.
Instead of touring Europe, I have kids.
Instead of ATVs, camper, boats and other toys, I have kids.
Instead of jewels, designer clothes, or the newest iPhone, I have kids.

With birth control easily available and cheap, compared to a pregnancy, I have chosen to have each of the children I had. The last several I very specifically remember asking for. They are the jewels, the work, and glory of my life.

They are my focus, my entertainment, my joy and my hope for the future.

The birthrates in the US have fallen to an average of 1.77 children per women. That is sad. "Why don't people want babies?" is easy to ask, but most of it has to do with economic reality and not desire. Many people would also buy that fancier house/car or iPhone if they could afford it. However, most women still carve out space, time and money, for at least one of the cute little mini-mes in their lives, often at older ages than ever before.

Are children now status symbols? if so it is an ironic one. 

The one that almost precludes all others. For if you choose to have kids, you choose to have your walls colored on, you choose to stay up all night with inconsolable infants, you choose to wear sweatpants and forget to brush your hair some weeks. You choose to stretch your belly out of any recognizable form. You choose to spend your evenings at little league games and PTA meetings, weekends camping with Boy Scouts.  You choose to have your names scratched into your car's paint by a kid who just learned to spell. You choose to have the iPhone thrown in the toilet. And you choose to love them, again and again, no matter what they did to your stuff. You learn that the things that make you the happiest are not things at all, but are the relationships and growth of those around you.

Perhaps, kids are a status of your state of mind, one where it not only points to your economic status, but to your priorities.

unprofitable servant

I work for my mother, She's a rich exec, who sold 1 business and is dabbling in building another. Because I had a baby and the need to get out of the house, I offered her my talents before offering them to the wider community. She snatched me up to be her assistant.

In her employment I have done/been  many things:
1. A personal shopper
2. An event organizer
3.  A caterer
4. A cook/ kitchen prep
5. Accounting assistant
6. Genealogist
7. Researcher, scientific, social and misc.
8. Pet sitter
9. Writer, technical and other
10. Gardener, indoor and out.
11. Talk writer

I have help set up many things, websites, plant water filters, slide shows, events.

But  mostly, I bring her grandbaby over.

However much I do for her and "earn. (she pays me enough to keep from looking for any other employment)" She always manages to turn around and just for fun buy me things, that I, with out her could never afford.

Overall, I feel like an unprofitable servant. I can never giver her more then she gives me, (Besides financial, I also get all sorts of sanity saving and emotional support, encouragement to continue pursuance of my dreams and just plain intellectual stimulation.) Add on that the normal mothering she has given me (like life and raising to adulthood, college ...ect). Gee, I guess I can never repay her for all. But I can keep trying.

but I will not forget thee

It must hard being the 7th child.
Once in a while, while juggling the needs of her six older siblings she has been forgotten. Once I got her all ready to go, put her in her car seat and then went to the parent teacher conferences without her. I didn't even remember I'd forgotten her until one if the teachers asked how she was doing. (She was safe at home with daddy and slept the whole time.) but it surprised me. Since when do nursing mothers forget their baby? I mean, seriously, our boobs ache when we go too long without them. 

Tonight is forgotten her again. She was asleep downstairs and I went to go to bed, forgetting to bring her up to bed until after I saw her bed empty. 

This is an amazing, happy, awesome baby that I have waited 7 kids to get- to forget her would be to ignore all my motherly longings since I started naming my future children when I was 12. 

Ah, how thankful I am that I have someone in my life who will never forget me.  

Isaiah 48:15
Shall a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?  Yeah, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee.
Behold, I have graven thee; on the palms of my hands....

I plan to live to be 100!

While contemplating my goals in life, and how that relates with weather or not to do some permanent birth control, I was really torn about it, wanting to both enjoy my time as a mother and also perusing and making really good use of a medical degree (nutritional neurology, here I come!)

So tonight, Ian was asking me about retirement. And I answered that I never plan on retiring, that I want to live to be 100 and use every precious day of it to the advantage of my fellow human beings. I realized that gave me 65 more years!

Wow- I have accomplished a lot in my 35 years, what am I going to accomplish in my next 65?

Here are my absolute plans:

1. Raise beautiful and inquisitive children that question everything and reach out and drag the answers out of the universe.
2. Learn, learn, learn, learn
3. Act, Act , Act, Act
4. Teach, Share and help others question everything and act.
5. Spend years serving the Lord, become one of those Mold people (Mormon + old) that have the energy to run around serving in Temples and and substitute teaching and serve everywhere they can. You know it's a Mold when you see a big smile under a crown of white curly hair (only mine might be white braided hair) who always know just the right thing to say to uplift those around them and whispers words of confidence when you need them most.
6.  Then be changed in a twinkling of an eye and continue my work.

Now my tenative plans:

1. Go to med school, study under nutritional and neurological professionals.
2. Work with special needs children (ie... everyone) and their families and uncover their problems, hopefully using a nutritional approach the vast majority of time.
3. Work for many, many years, gathering research and experience.
4. Share this research and experience.
5. "Retire" (at about age 90) into Mold-dom and then spend the last years of my mortality running around just to serve the Lord.

So, now I need to act as these are my goals. ... nutrition, exercise and learning and living :)

the archetype of mothering as transformation

"When a mother thinks about her experience in a truthful way, when she is honest with herself, she will see that the act of mothering is not one-sided. It is reciprocal. Once we appreciate that the mother/child dyad is mutually beneficial, we can change the stereotype of motherhood as burden into the archetype of mothering as transformation."

-Peggy O'mara (Mothering Magazine)

link to article http://mothering.com/peggyomara/inpirational/the-powerful-woman-as-mother

FHE idea

By Pre Monson:

May I offer to you tonight six road signs which, when observed and followed, will guide you to safety. They are:

1. Choose good friends. Friends help to determine your future. You will tend to be like them and to be found where they choose to go. Remember, the path we follow in this life leads to the path we follow in the next.
2. Seek parental guidance. Your mother, your father, your family all love you and pray for your eternal happiness. Fathers, be an example to your sons. Show them the way to go. Walk with them in righteousness and faith.
3. Study the gospel. Develop a yearning to know the Lord, to understand His commandments and to follow Him. Then shadows of despair are dispelled by rays of hope, sorrow yields to joy, and the feeling of being lost in the crowd of life vanishes with the certain knowledge that our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us.
4. Obey the commandments. Make up your mind to serve God. Learn His word and follow it. President George Albert Smith, the eighth President of the Church, counseled: “Stay on the Lord’s side of the line.”
5. Serve with love. Jesus was the epitome of service. It was said of Him that He “went about doing good.” Do we do likewise? Our opportunities are many, but some are perishable and fleeting. Brethren, what supernal joy you feel when someone recalls counsel you gave, an example you lived, a truth you taught, the influence you had in prompting another to do good.
6. Pray with purpose. Prayer is the provider of spiritual strength. Prayer is the passport to peace. Should we find ourselves in harm’s way, our power line is unbroken and undamaged—even to God, our Heavenly Father. He will help us if we will but give Him in our lives an opportunity to do so.

The Old Man is Snoring

If when it rains, it pour- then get ready for a blizzard.

That is just how it is feeling tonight.

-Just over a week a go- My little 3 year old girl got pneumonia, ended up in ER with 104.5 temp and wheezing.

+luckily the antibiotics took care of that and she was running around the next day.

-Last month my fridge broke. We were living out of coolers for 3 days.

+but we didn't have to replace it, it just needed a small part to keep it defrosted.

- We lost our PCAs at the end of August, took us all of September to qualify again- under a different program because we now in a different financial bracket.

-My washer broke this week. Claimed it lost communications with it's control computer. That looked like a $400 part to repair it.

+got fixed in just over 30 hours.....it turned out the wires to the control center had their insulation rubbed off by the drum. It is working again!

-My Iphone completely died a week or more ago. I don't need an Iphone. I lived just fine without it. Any plain cell phone would work... but no, it was on a company plan and we had to get approval through the CEO and that was easy, but I didn't realize I would be paying for it. They wouldn't accept my first or last born for payment either. And it just happen to die right after the brand new Iphone 4 made it's debut.

-Our car completely died on us while we were in shopping in Brainerd tonight. Car repairs are never cheap.

+luckily, and many great kudos to my Sister and BIL as they loaned us their van so we could at least take our family home.

Better make sure you have snowboots and hats and mitts out. Umbrellas aren't needed when it's snowing!

Warmth through Sonlight

My father is an environmental engineer. He carefully designed a house for us that has a green house facing directly south to make the most use of the pale winter sunlight. In fact, it often works too well. When it is -40 outside, it can be 95 in the greenhouse. The advantage is that we can open the doors between the house and the greenhouse and heat our house with this captured sunlight.

Sometimes it just feels good to sit in the sun in the green house. It warms up chilly bones like a warm hug from God.

Likewise, when we walk in God's light, his love can warm our hearts and defrost our frozen feelings.

May we take opportunities to face the Son, and bask in his light, so we can warm our homes and all who enter there.

yesterday

Yesterday was a beautiful day!

All week we have lived in a steam oven. ... yesterday was technically the hottest, but the humidity was down at only 50% (vs the 98% we've had for a week). And the sky was blue and clear the the lake water so warm and there was a wonderful breeze, so we cooked hotdogs over a campfire for dinner, and the mix of baked beans, saurkraut and onions was so tasty, I had to make it 3 times. And the marshmallows where so golden brown and complete goo all the way through. It was awesome.!

And I slept hard last night, it was so nice and cool, and then slept hard all morning.

Triple Blessed

I feel very blessed today.

I live a life where when I crave something- generally all I have to do is make it or run to the store for the 1 or 2 ingredents I am missing adn then I can make it. It doesn't matter much what I crave, there is always an easy way to get it- whether it is cheesecake or bowwow.

I also live a life where the information I desire lies at my fingertips (on any non-personal items, but a lot of others' personal items).

I also live in a house that is largely designed to heat itself and keep its self fairly clean, so when I have days that I don't feel blessed enough to do anything but sleep- I can choose to without falling too far behind.

I feel blessed to live in an age of washing machines, farmer's markets and fetal dopplers.

I feel blessed to have parents that dote on me, so I have the time to dote on my children.

I feel blessed to have the ability to store the food and clothes that we will need in the near future. (which reminds me of more chores to do)

But mostly I feel blessed to have bowwow, bananas and fresh picked broccoli to eat today.

Life is good.

Life is great.

I feel blessed to have the cutest kids on earth. I feel blessed to be challenged by their differences and special needs. I feel blessed to have time to read to them, cuddle them, adore them and be surprised and marveled by them.

I feel blessed to have a husband who is working hard to support us and grow his own capacity to love, serve and support us. I feel blessed to have a husband who is good at bed sport, and still looks at my naked, pregnant body, as if it's s sight for sore eyes.

I feel blessed to have a body that is capable of carrying babies, growing them 40 weeks and them pushing them out easily- and them nursing them for the next 2 years.

I feel blessed to have temperate weather so my windows are still open. I feel blessed to hear the noises of kids playing outside and the sunshine still warming my skin.

I feel blessed for my awesome life at this awesome time.

I know things will change, more challenges will come, and I feel blessed to be able to prepare for some of those changes.

Christmas Spirit

Yesterday I saw Christmas. I got my car stuck trying to get out of an unplowed driveway and before I could call someone for help, 2 cars stopped and help me push my car back on the road. I think the amazingly quick response of the two different sets of strangers was a sample of the True Spirit of Christmas. If only we could all remember and do that everyday!

Thank you for your presence.

Yesterday was my birthday! I am a whole year older and wiser too, then I must have been last year at this time.

People have (especially my mother) asked me what I want for my birthday. And you know, I don't really "want" for anything. The one thing I have wanted most over the last few years is now squirming on my lap and trying to eat my mouse. (and I'm not talking about the cat).

And I thank her for her presence. I was in great want/ need of her presence. And I thank you for your presence in my life. For all that you have done for me. For all that you have listened to me prattle about my newest acquired knowledge and daily challenges. And for being there and caring about me, and letting me hang out with you.

Your presence means more to me then stuff. Thank you for being present.

Look Up

The reason why we need to be outside is to look up.

It is so easy to grumble, about our lives, the act ivies or challenges of the day, but when you go outside and look up- one stands in such awe of the beauty around them that is is near impossible to keep grumbling.

When one looks at the ground the monologual tirade can continue unimpeded, but Look UP, and see the brilliant beauty of nature- and feel honored for your life and your eyes and your chance to breathe in this fine morning.

While enjoying the colors nature created around you- the exquisite pink of the sun through the bare trees- your thoughts are no longer earth bound and neither is your spirit.

So look up and fly.

home

There has been lots of songs dedicated to the wonderfulness of coming home. I would be tempted to write one, but now that I am home I have so much else to keep me busy.

Well, we dragged Ian out of the hospital, against his wishes yesterday. He really liked the morphine more then the Tylenol with codeine. But he survived the trip anyways. He is now safely tucked on our couch watching the Land before Time. Earlier he played the computer- that required sitting up and doing something.

Great big slobbery baby kisses to all those who helped my Mom with her surprises for us. It is really nice to have a big working fridge- very nice fridge - and a washer that works. I haven't done a load yet- but will real soon. THank you, thank you , thank you.

Wouldn't tade it for the world

My sister said to me today:" I think you are about the only person I wouldn't ask to trade kids or lives for the day"

But most of the time I can't think of any body I would want to trade with. Maybe that's because I am so busy living this life, that I haven't time to think in between the yells for "Mom." or it could be that there has been enough instances where I have somewhat envied some one's position or family- only to later find out that they have problems too- usually problems I am very glad not to have and wouldn't trade for.

Besides, in every set of challenging circumstances, there are the little moments that make it worth living.- holding a sleeping baby is one of them. :)

Blessing Day

Today was Shannon's Blessing Day. So she is officially recorded on church records and we learn a bit about the plan her Heavenly Father has for her on Earth.

We were told that she was specifically sent to our family and ward. That He loves her attitude. That she will have the strength to be a shining light and an example to others.

And that she will be loved and respected.

Weekend Update

Well, I now have a crock pot full of stuffing casserole, so I can sit down and blog! (an exclamation point? What do you think blogging is? Is it a highlight of your day or something?, Nope, just I like to pursue whatever I do with a little bit of passion. It makes life more interesting. Like I need more of that).


I've been feeling more like cleaning lately and also somewhat creative.(- if you need confirmation of this you are welcome to ask my pattern maker.) I wake up from my naps, with want I want clearly envisioned in my mind. Sometimes it is new clothes or baby dresses, other times like Friday, I knew what I wanted for dinner. I wanted a juicy hamburger and strawberry shortcake. And I am not just talking any hamburger and shortcake, I am talking real, nutrient dense hamburger and shortcake. So, I had to go grocery shopping. (and then mopped the floor)

When I was at the store, not only did I find fresh strawberries, but fresh blueberries as well. YUM, YUM, pancake time!!!! So Saturday morning I called my parents and invited them to blueberry pancakes. They decided it sounded like a good idea.

So an hour later, they showed up and enjoyed the best pancakes in the universe. Nobody believed me that it was breakfast time though, because, for once, I didn't make the smoke detector go off.

At the tail end of breakfast, my parents noticed a strange smell in the house, so we stepped outside to the vents, and the smell was a lot stronger. It smelled like a lot of 1/2 burnt furnace gas. Dad said it smelled like the kind of furnace problems that kills people. So we decided to call the repair man. And while waiting for him, Mom and I cleaned.

I love cleaning with people. Especially with people who know how to clean, She got corners, we got piles of things sitting in corners and we accomplished 3 rooms while the boys were outside to play.

The furnace repair man came, and after some work he said our heat exchanger was cracked and needed to be replaced, and also that the carbon monoxide was off the scale on the furnace vent and that the furnace will have to be turned off until they can repair it. Repairing it, of course requires waiting until the part store is open on Monday, ordering the part in and then doing the actual repair work.

Meanwhile, they would have to unplug one of our major appliances to plug in a temporary space heater. Usually they unplug the dryer, but upon quick assessment, we decided the stove would be a better choice for us. Now, we have a stove pushed out from the wall, but still enough room for a pregnant body to maneuver in the kitchen (at least well enough to chop enough stuff to fill a crock pot). And we also decided that to take our laundry off line for 1/2 week, not to mention the work of getting to the laundry plug behind the stacked set and the small size of that room.... would have a much quicker and dyer consequences.

So now, I have full use of my crock pots and toaster oven, just my stove and main oven will be offline until it gets warm enough to unplug that little space heater.

Meanwhile, Mike and I are very thankful that :
A. We still have hot water (although the carbon monoxide is higher on it then it should be too, and that repair is scheduled to take place this week).
B. That it is the end of March and not the end of January (or any other time when the mean temp is -20).
C. That we are alive as one happy family. (Although if one has to go Carbon Monoxide poisoning doesn't sound like the worse way to go. I mean, you all go to bed and just never wake up. And at least you are together as a family. Of course, then you would miss out on the more interesting parts of your life. *)

* the unknown is always the most interesting. At least is should be worth paying attention to. And besides, it would be sad to miss out on the newest member of my family. I think she's worth sticking around for.

There is a great saying- ok several actually- in the book I am reading. It is actually used as a curse to the people of the counter continent. And it is this "May you live in interesting times."

But, for me, I will consider it a blessing. A blessing on all those who have faith and hope in a beautiful future of change and opportunity. Even the most challenging circumstances is nothing more then a blessing in disguise.


May you live in interesting times.

YIPEE!!!!!

School is on today. And I only have 1 kid home right now. Talk about a few nice minutes of peace and quiet.

YIPEE!! my husband did the dishes this morning, before anybody else was even awake.

YIPEE!! I love the internet and the access to programs on it- like the leadership meeting on the family.

YIPEE!! I love feeling support for my family.

Child bearing is a matter of faith (and like all faith requires lots of work)....a way for miracles to occur.

6:32

Nothing new is happening here. Ian is enjoying watching TV (Pinky and the Brain), and has a vacuum catheter extraction every 2 hours. He doesn't love that. We will have to talk to a doctor about what to do when we are home with him.

It is very nice to have a kitchenette and bedroom right across the street from Ian's room. I was able to take a nap and make dinner that I brought over to share with Daddy and Ian. Ian enjoyed the strawberries and yogurt.

My other boys are now home with grandma and grandpa. Last time I heard they are still looking for a nanny person up there. If you wish to volunteer please call Lynn.

Ian keeps talking about how he wants his family to be forever. We have reassured him that we are planning on it.