Tuesday, June 14, 2016

It's hard being a 10 month pregnant woman. Everything is sore. You're nauseous, but you can't eat, there is no room, yet you have heartburn and runs, and baby extends from your knees to your sternum. Then there is the sweating, always too hot with the internal heater heating your body ( the size of Godzilla) with enough BTUs that New York could become tropical.Your feet won't fit into your shoes nor your belly into maternity clothes. Every other step feels like a contraction and if baby moves or kicks the sensation is so big you can't breathe.
The baby belly is stretched so taught that your belly button disappears and when watermelon look at your belly they bow down in awe.

Then there is the changing of the hormones. It's kinda like pms, combined with cramps, multiplied by the work it takes to move the train engine size belly to do anything. . . Yes, I'm an ornery person trying not to bite your head off. Part of it is you can't sleep! For longer then it takes your kidneys to process an ounce of urine. And to move that pregnant belly out of bed 100 times every night, just so can pee takes some expertise in pre planning because of you move wrong in the slightest your extended, twisted and already sore abdomen muscles will send jolts of the most exquisite pain to the nerve center that you won't be able to move for another full five minutes- and on top of that you'll have to change your underpants, which at this stage of the game is nothing short of fun either.

Ok, enough with this pitty party, what I'm trying to say is that even though We feel like crap and the only thing we'd even dare go up in a beauty contest against is Thomas the tank engine, that we need your support. We need you to cuddle us and express to us that we are prettier than a train ( in fact I'd advise you don't you words like "train," "elephant," or "watermelon" when telling us how pretty we are.) rub our sore backs, bring us chocolates, and act like our watermelon, train size bodies turn you on, even though the chance of copulating around that thing drops every day. Baby us a little, spoil us a little. Pregnancy is not easy - we need your support