Saturday, November 12, 2011

A to Z guide to me

I'm stealing this meme from my pal Rachel over at the blog Totally Ovar It.
And I'm stealing it from Crunchy Chicken.

Age: 33, but usually can't remember until I do the math... it is easy to remember I'm over 30.

Bed size: King... 2 babies and a hubby sleep there.

Chore I hate: Homework!

Dogs: Samwise- 7yr old big black shag rug, and Odie a Austrian Shepard poodle mix. Way more small dogish then I had planned.

Essential start to my day: getting kids on the bus.

Favorite color: Any real colors...forget the uncolors!

Gold or silver: depends on what the application is.

Height: 5'10". Not as tall as my oldest kid.

Instruments I play: (kinda) piano, clarinet.

Job title: Mom.

Kids: Galen, almost 13, Ewan 11, Ian almost 9, Clayton 6, Shannon 3, Reuben 8 months.

Live: Small Town, northern Minnesota.

Mother's name: Lynn, Lynnie, Mom

Nicknames: none

Overnight hospital stays: Just after a few of my labor and delivery.

Pet Peeve: Children bugging me after midnight, phones ringing off the hook.

Quote from a movie: "Capt'n, there be whales here."

Right or left handed: right, until I carrying baby, then left.

Siblings: Older Brother, Younger sister.

Time I wake up: 3 am feeding, 4 am wet bedding change, 5 am screaming toddler, 7 am to wake kids for bus. 10 am to start the day.

Underwear: Yes. Details are only for my husband.

Vegetable I hate: I have to admit, I have never understood the point of an eggplant.

What makes me run late: Small children who don't listen.

X-rays I've had: wrist once to see if it was broken or strained (fall carrying kid), knee once to see if it was broken or sprained (accident because of kid).

Yummy food I make: vegan baked goods!

Zoo animal: The animal that gives me the largest thrills are the big cats, other then that I do really like giraffes.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Old Man is Snoring

If when it rains, it pour- then get ready for a blizzard.

That is just how it is feeling tonight.

-Just over a week a go- My little 3 year old girl got pneumonia, ended up in ER with 104.5 temp and wheezing.

+luckily the antibiotics took care of that and she was running around the next day.

-Last month my fridge broke. We were living out of coolers for 3 days.

+but we didn't have to replace it, it just needed a small part to keep it defrosted.

- We lost our PCAs at the end of August, took us all of September to qualify again- under a different program because we now in a different financial bracket.

-My washer broke this week. Claimed it lost communications with it's control computer. That looked like a $400 part to repair it.

+got fixed in just over 30 hours.....it turned out the wires to the control center had their insulation rubbed off by the drum. It is working again!

-My Iphone completely died a week or more ago. I don't need an Iphone. I lived just fine without it. Any plain cell phone would work... but no, it was on a company plan and we had to get approval through the CEO and that was easy, but I didn't realize I would be paying for it. They wouldn't accept my first or last born for payment either. And it just happen to die right after the brand new Iphone 4 made it's debut.

-Our car completely died on us while we were in shopping in Brainerd tonight. Car repairs are never cheap.

+luckily, and many great kudos to my Sister and BIL as they loaned us their van so we could at least take our family home.

Better make sure you have snowboots and hats and mitts out. Umbrellas aren't needed when it's snowing!

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Warmth through Sonlight

My father is an environmental engineer. He carefully designed a house for us that has a green house facing directly south to make the most use of the pale winter sunlight. In fact, it often works too well. When it is -40 outside, it can be 95 in the greenhouse. The advantage is that we can open the doors between the house and the greenhouse and heat our house with this captured sunlight.

Sometimes it just feels good to sit in the sun in the green house. It warms up chilly bones like a warm hug from God.

Likewise, when we walk in God's light, his love can warm our hearts and defrost our frozen feelings.

May we take opportunities to face the Son, and bask in his light, so we can warm our homes and all who enter there.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

yesterday

Yesterday was a beautiful day!

All week we have lived in a steam oven. ... yesterday was technically the hottest, but the humidity was down at only 50% (vs the 98% we've had for a week). And the sky was blue and clear the the lake water so warm and there was a wonderful breeze, so we cooked hotdogs over a campfire for dinner, and the mix of baked beans, saurkraut and onions was so tasty, I had to make it 3 times. And the marshmallows where so golden brown and complete goo all the way through. It was awesome.!

And I slept hard last night, it was so nice and cool, and then slept hard all morning.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

New allergies, new fun

I seem to have developed some food allergies recently. Most noticeably to dairy- any and all traces of dairy. So much as a kid who had eaten buttered popcorn to touch my arm will cause a burning rash, and butter powder on chips will cause my lips to burn all day.

Fun..... since dairy parts and proteins are hidden across a wide swath of food products.

I am currently on an elimination diet- to eliminate many potential allergens.... which means I can eat some fruits, veggies and a few weirdish grains. After looking high and low for foods I can eat... home seems to be about the only place they are served. Since I am currently off of wheat, soy, corn, potatoes, tomato, citrus and peanuts, pork, beef, shell fish, mushrooms, peppers and refined sugars of all sorts. Plus dairy.

This diet is to continue for about 2 weeks until my body behaves all happy like- then I can try 1 potential allergen at a time- for about 3 days. If I have no reactions then I can include it in my diet. I have been debating what I want to try first- wheat, corn or soy? Those are definitely the first to try to include again to gain any sort of normal eating patterns.

Why am I doing this?

Well- for about the last month I have endured constant gas- bloating, farting, burping - up to 60 times per hour (or more). And a rash started developing on my upper arms. After doing research on gas and rashes I realized that symptoms I have been having, including constant runs, heartburn and other stuff all seemed to point to hidden food allergies. So I am now teasing out what those are... after I keep a record of everything I eat and how I react... I plan to get allergy tested and see of the 2 correlate at all- but digestive allergies don't always show accurately on typical allergy tests. There are often false negatives and false positives.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Civilization takes civilaized behavior

I read this article today: http://www.businessinsider.com/18-signs-the-collapse-of-society-is-accelerating-2011-6#

And it does point out some trends I have been seeing this week.... now I understand what was talked about in General Conference as we were admonished to be kinder, more helpful, and really watch our behavior to be/stay an example of Christ.

And indeed I have found more times this past week were I have had to censor my own language or thoughts. And I was wondering what makes the swearing seem normal? Of course, all I had to do was look around at the media, mass and semi private to see it. It is way more common and way more accepted. But that does not mean that we need to allow ourselves to follow the trend towards less civilized behaviors.

Stand up for goodness, stand out due to polite behavior.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Just and average day around here

Shanny got picked up by the police, before anybody here even knew she was missing. She went to see Grandma, while I was in Brainerd to buy more medicine for Ian, because she had poured all of Ian's meds down the drain and Ian's belly was growing larger, more distended that is, with out his meds to help him poo. I had Roo with me in Brainerd, which means that....

Getting away from home unnoticed was a pretty good feat for a toddler in a house where there are more adults then children.

That is because all the adults were focused on trying to get Galen through his schooling before the year ends. After lots and lots of detailed coaching he did finally get his math test finished. Yeah!

On to his science project!

Its a good thing we are putting up a fence.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Neuro-typical syndrom

Happy Mothers Day!
And today I thank my kids for curing me of neuro-typical syndrome quite thoroughly.
Neuro- typical (think normal brained) people have strong imitation synapses. That means when they see somebody do something they typically want to imitate them. This is advantageous in learning how to hunt or what nuts and berries to eat, but so often this imitation often morphs into us wanting to have what others have and be just like everyone else. Of course none of us are just like everybody else, so we start pretending we are something we are not and make a facade of perfection. This "Facade of perfection" is neuro-typical syndrome.

As you may or may not know, in the autistic brain theses imitation synapses are very weak, these children don't just naturally pick all those unwritten rules of social engagement and usually are fairly clueless of what other people think of them. Of course these challenges reflect in the family functioning and pretty soon as a parent you have to give up and trying to be like everybody else- it just ain't going to happen.

Then we see that modern society is built upon an unsustainable systems and realize there are more then mental health reasons to exit the rat race.

Autistics are more likely to start a trend then to follow one.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

and now for something really gross (but true)

Why do nursing mothers even bother to wear shirts?

After all, we spend most of the day with it up over our breasts anyways.

The real reason is that the shirt can often protect us from the inevitable spit up down our cleavage.

Don't believe me? Try spending several hours nursing your baby without a shirt on.

If you can not try this experiment on your own, I suggest you just take my word on it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Eagle has Landed

After trying some evening primrose oils- labor started on Saturday at 4cm. I labored slowly but surely the day away, was able to keep busy with light house work and stuff. Mom took the kids to the local garage sale and lunch and then kept them until bedtime.

At bedtime I slept 1/2 hr until contractions got too strong to sleep through. Then I got up and labored in the bathroom until 4am when I got lonely and turned the lights on and threw open the door. That brought Mike in to labor with me. We listened to music, talked a little and dealt with labor. In a few hours Mom came and got the kids and made them Star Wars pancakes.

Meanwhile I was getting emotionally drained. I couldn't tell if I was making any progress, and my water didn't want to break. At 3pm ish Mike announced he finished some of his school work, so I said good and started packing to go the the hospital. I had had enough and was going to get this over with one way or another.

Mom and Dad passed the kids off to Ryan and Amber and came and drove us down. We called first and the Dr had ordered an ultrasound to do when we got there. But the nurse was able to garentee to the Doc the the baby was head down and that I was 7-8cm. I was satisfied, I had actually made real progress and just had to get through transition. There was real question about weather the water had broken. I was unsure, the nurse thought probably.

I turned down offers of pain meds, IVs and saline locks. I knew I could get through transition and birth without it. - And it would be much better for baby with out it.

So I labored for another hour or two and everyone was surprised that the baby wasn't born yet. Labor got harder and the doc came in to check me, he said I was 9 to easily 10, being extra stretchy and noticed that water had not broken yet. So he broke it and asked me to push to see if it would do anything or if I would need a c - section. The push in the position of sitting up made me want to swear at the doctor. The doc decided to leave me and go downstairs to see about a c- section. He thought the baby would be too big. Meanwhile the nurse was trying to get me to lay back to check the baby's heart beat, but I yelled "I got to move" and got one leg off if the bed before I groaned, screamed and pushed the baby out in 30 seconds. I didn't plan on doing it- I just had to.

The baby was caught by the hospital bed- and I yelled for someone to take him. He was still half inside me and I couldn't push any more. So the nurse finally grabbed the baby and I was able to sit back, much relieved. They rubbed my tummy and got my placenta out. The doc came in and was much surprised and relieved. He did a quick check and announced to rips or tears.

Everyone was thrilled. He was a big boy, weighed in at 10 pounds, 15 oz. 22.5"
And we were both still happy and intact.

In retrospect all I needed was an experienced midwife and the home birth would have come off perfect- but those are hard to find in my neck of the woods, and as far as hospital births it was the best we could hope for.

Of course because the hospital bed was so short and narrow and not padded enough- I was thrilled to go home in 24 hours- against the hopes of the hospital and staff.

If hospitals really wanted to keep you there longer- they would have big, soft beds, and Charmin toilet paper- and food that is fresh, whole grain and organic :)

Meanwhile my 5 kids and a husband with 2 term papers to write needed me at home.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

holding pattern

You know what it is like to be on an airplane above your landing airport after a long flight and then are informed by the pilot that you do not have clearance to land so you are on a "holding pattern" but meanwhile because you are so close to landing you had to store all your electronics and put your tray table up?

That is what my pregnancy is feeling like today. The flight is over, but I don't have clearance to land yet.

I am in a holding pattern and just want this baby to come so I can resume the rest of my trip in life.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

3 days until my 2nd due date

well I am 3 days away from my due date- the one I calculated when I found out I was pregnant and not the one the ultrasound tried to tell me. The ultrasound dated this baby around 2 weeks ago.

Obviously he has yet to grace us with his presence. But I know that some babies need longer cooking times then other babies, I will let him finish cooking, trusting that he will enter the world how and when he should.

Of course this means that I am still uncomfortable, have ridiculous heartburn, and can often barely walk.... but having a safe, natural delivery- even if it means waddling around another week is preferable to the alternatives.

And yes, I have had contractions nearly every night for a month- but obviously that means nothing in and of it's self. The contractions are now stronger and crampier.... but they have yet to produce a baby.

And I also found out a few scary statistics about our local hospital.... the one I have planned as a "back up" should something go less then perfect. The c-section rate there is 57%. OUCH

That means that 57% of those who deliver there end up with 6 weeks of not being allowed to lift anything other then their babies and not being able to return to full activities for at least 6 weeks, and then could even have some post partum issues because of the lack of baby having hormones that help with attachments and breastfeeding. It also means that 57% of the woman who deliver there will most likely have to have another c-section if they want another baby.

A c-section with a first time mom might not be the end of the world- the only people you have to take care of then is you and baby. But a c- section for a mom of 6 is a death sentence for her house and near impossible to get enough rest to heal from properly.

And yet most c-sections in the US occur because we elect to have our babies when we want to. We don't want the inconvenience of waiting and cramping and waddling around until all known reasons to wait seem to evaporate into a pool of "I don't care how- just get this baby out!" feelings.

Over 50 % of attempted inductions end in a c- section. If you think about a 6 week recover vs waiting just a few more days until baby decides to come himself. It seems very short sighted of us to attempt to push the baby out early. But we Americans fear nothing more then inconvenience.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

uncomftortablty large

ok - I have reached the stage of pregnancy where I am officially uncomfortably large (in the belly). No bands fit comfortably around me any more- weather it be a waist band or bra band- so nightgowns become my favorite clothes- although I often find myself longing to run around naked like a toddler in the summer.

I got a new stretch mark this week. The only way I knew it was a new one was because it was bright pink and still tender to the touch. It stretches all the way across my belly button and up into my ribs. I am beginning to wonder how much bigger can this belly grow?.... but I know better then to ask. The universe is happy to provide answers like that.

And of course people keep wondering when I am due. I tell them I am past one of my due dates and heading towards the next. Right now March 8th seems like an eternity away. And part of me would try to force the baby out, but I would prefer that he is fully cooked first and I believe babies are best at determining that. No body has every been pregnant forever.

At least that is what I keep telling myself. I have never found a reference in any of midwifery textbooks or readings regarding a pregnancy that went on forever.

Not surprisingly there are lots of answers to that on line..... many mothers must ask themselves that.
375 days seems to be the record of medical proof (280 is normal) and the baby was still under 7 pounds.

But if you are looking for extreme cases there are a few cases of fetal calcification that occur in extra-uterine pregnancies and one of those has been documented at 18 years, another lasting as long as 60 years. These are really rare events.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Undenably Ornery

I have reached a stage of undeniably orneriness. I feel like I should be laughing manically at all the evil things I am doing now- just because I am ornery.

- I don't share my sandwiches with kids who are supposed to be in bed/

-I don't correct spelling when I read through home work papers- I actually make them look it up.

- I make the dogs stay outside all day

-not allow TV time because the didn't get all the dishes done.

- I don't wan to be sat on, pounced on, ran into or crawled over.

- I do want to be held and cuddled, but only if you don't want anything from me- and only if you are older then me.

-I wish children had volume buttons and dream of making a sleeping draft to give them at bed time.

- I am not sure if I can even hold a civil conversation face to face anymore. I will automatically respond snarkly and make some evil jokes about cats that come to harm. And if you don't laugh that would be a good enough reason to bite off your head.

- And speaking about biting heads off (naa...., I think I'll skip this point)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Grand Multipara

In many cases I am officially considered a "Grand Multipara" meaning that I have given birth more then 5 times. This changes the natural of labor.

In general the grand multipara has lots of prelabor and on and off again- then when real labor starts it is usually either easy or quick.

I think I first saw this effect with my 4th. Active labor (3cm to birth) was 25 minutes- this left me with no time to breath between contractions.

Number 5- went off and on again for about 1 week before I had an easy labor of about 1.5 hours. This labor left me in charge of myself and my birth.

Studies suggest that grand multiparas often have latent labor to about 6 cm- then the real work kicks in.

This seems to work pretty well for home birthers- we keep up with our life, ready for the baby to emerge at short notice, meanwhile our other children can get the attention they need and the laundry keeps getting changed and the floor keeps getting mopped - mostly because we got to keep busy so the waiting and unknowing of when our short labor will kick in won't drive us crazy.

There has been studies suggesting increased risk in grand multiparas- but studying into those studies and you will find that they represent the under-educated and poor folks of the wold- when adjusted to economic and health status they were just as safe if not safer then regular multi paras in giving birth. (assuming of course that drs don't interfere).

I have personally learned that my body works best without interference during and after labor. Generally I loose no blood and don't tear and the babies are strong and noisy.

I am excited though, because for each pregnancy I have increased my overall healthy eating standards and have been less medically involved, and often more physically active.

I look forward to another healthy baby in my arms, and the ability to sleep on my stomach again.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Ready To Burst

Tonight I enter my "stay around home" phase of pregnancy. That means I am in my birthing safe zone and would not be surprised if baby made his entrance at any time.

And I feel ready to burst. Every other step feels like a contraction- I think it is just baby bones sticking out through all parts of my anatomy. Just about every part of me is sore and achy and when I look in the mirror I see a semi- truck, double loaded.

So far this baby reminds me most of Galen. That could be his size - or all the weight he made me gain. At least this kid is a picky enough eater to make me eat mostly healthy- plus all the good ice cream.

I have washed enough of his stuff for the first several days and have a nice stock of diapers, pads and the like ready to go.

The crib and new bedding have yet to arrive. I have enough for the first few days.

Mike wishes the crib would show so we could set up the nursery area.

Except for me feeling ridiculously uncomfortable, I could wait a few more weeks.... but he most definitely has my permission to arrive sooner then that.

The ultrasound showed him to be 2 to 2.5 weeks farther in development then the due date would indicate. Being that I never usually deliver somewhere between 39 and 40 weeks that puts me right around 39 weeks now. ... or the ultrasound is off and we wait until sometime in early March to burst. Unfortunately that feels like forever from now.

On your 6th baby there is no signs of impending birth like there was on the first 3. There is no walking around dilated at 3 cm for a week or 3. The cervix won't budge until labor starts- and then it knows what it's job is so well that everything will happen quickly- usually in less then a few hours. So this makes the "checks" the doctors usually do pretty useless. And it is pretty nice to know that there is one less reason for a stranger to have his fingers up your privates.

Baby drops and engages every time I stand up and disengages just as easily when I try to sleep. He must like sleeping in my chest. Soon he'll be sleeping on it.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

a few more



baptism pics 1





Baptism pics 2




Baptism Pics 3




Ian's Baptism

For those who wished they could have been there.

Ian was baptized today. We had a full room of wonderful people in attendance, including Grandpa Paul, Aunt Amy and family.

President Oldham conducted, Bishop Howard presided. Ian was all smiles and hugs. Mike managed to squeeze into the largest white suit they had.

The opening song was "Scripture Power", I gave the opening prayer.
Bishop Howard talked on Baptism. Then I help Shannon up to see the baptism. Ian wasn't overly thrilled about having his whole head underwater- but he managed without a cry. Brother Swankle and Bro Simmons were witnesses.

We waited to piano music (not as quiet as I would have liked) to Sister Brown to play to piano while Ian and Dad dressed. Then Grandma Lynn gave a talk on the Holy Ghost. And Ian was confirmed a member of the Church by his Dad, with Bishop Howard, President Oldham, Bro Swankle, Bro Simmons, and Bro Weaver (our Home Teacher) in the circle. Ian was told he would serve his mission and be a great servant of the Lord. Afterward Ian had to hug everyone again.

Then we had our closing song of I am a Child of God and a closing prayer by Bro Simmons.

The refreshments were nice. We had build your own sandwiches with a variety of choices in breads, cheeses, ham, turkey, condiments, tomatoes, pickles, and letus. And cut veggies sticks, fresh lemonade (made from organic lemons), apple sauce and brownies.

We had lots of help with clean up and lots of pleasant time talking with our wonderful friends and family who made it.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

building a nest

I had a few contractions on Saturday- which reminded me that contrary to how I may have been feeling that I will not remain pregnant forever.

That seemed to finally be enough motivation to actually do the things on my to-do-list that I have thus far been successfully ignoring. Little things like getting the baby's car seat ready and other little things like ordering a crib, and sewing those blankets that have been sitting on my sewing table for many months.

Mike calls it "nesting". It could be. It doesn't seem to be the classical form of cooking and cleaning- but those are things I never seem to stop doing with the 5 kids I already have, so actually focusing on baby stuff probably qualifies as nesting pretty well.

But please do not ask me to paint any thing or get matching curtains to the crib decor- everything would have naturally matched perfectly if baby Roo was baby Arwen instead. But now I get to combine Shanny's pink and butterfly room with the nice little mis-match boys collection I have. We have baby blue, baby yellow and nice primary dinosaurs. It's a good thing little babies don't care about how coordinated their bedrooms are.

In my experience he will probably spend most of the first 2 years in my room anyways.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

contrasts and realizations

Sometimes I wonder how much Galen understands about anything. In many ways he like a 7 year old in maturity, a 14 year old in understanding math, and in a body undergoing puberty and growing nearly 2” per month.

At church today we (bishop and parents) decided that he was not ready yet for the priesthood or his patriarchal blessing. In some ways it was a relief- to realize that there is a real lack of understanding and readiness for this developmental phase yet. It helped me to understand that he truly doesn’t understand many things that others his age and size do.

It was truly interesting to contrast this with Ian’s baptismal interview today. Ian gave clear and precise answers and had questions. Even though he started out rubbing his eyes and playing with his shirt he soon matched the bishop’s physical positions and actions.

Where as Galen refused to say a word and never once made eye contact. I think this is where is uphill battle is going to be in the coming months with schools and courts is to help them to understand that in that big body and active brain lays a little child- who is probably only accountable as a little child- but yet has the body and hormones of a teenager and needs that he can not voice that somehow going to school violates.

In some ways he is very much a cross between Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) and Mo- the third grader who shaves.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

boots and balls

There is something I probably should have considered when I bought my knee high- winter boots this year.

I didn't consider the amount of work they would be to put on when your pregnant belly reaches your toes. yeah- I have to lift my legs high enough to slide them into the boots. That is no longer as easy as it was a few months ago.

In fact my chances of successfully getting my boots on now increase greatly if I do my prenatal y0ga first- at least then I am less likely to pull a muscle in the contortions it takes to lift my legs above my belly while in a seated position.

If you would like to understand the challenge first hand I suggest you place several cannon balls in your hip cradle and makes sure at least one of these sits directly in your vagina, pressing on the cervix and wiggles of it's own accord (this position should also place all the weight on your bladder). Then add a 30 gallon garbage bag full of water tied to the outside of your abdomen- this should also become hard at irregular intervals and stick painful bony points out at different times.

Now after spending a month with the cannon balls and bag of water attached to you- try to get the boots on.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Busy Bee

Today I kept myself busy.
I made pancakes !- i LOVE pancakes
and then I organized all the clothes I have for Shannon to grow in to- sizes 4- 12 an finally put them away. I made Shannon's bed.

Then I changed laundry, and scrubbed out the fridge and reorganized it. After that I took a nap- because I wanted to do a lot more this evening. So after the nap I made a huge stirfry, had dinner, then used the stirfry in egg rolls- made 30 of them. Followed by banana muffins for breakfast tomorrow.

I still probably have to help Ian make his bed. Sigh- and why can't kids go the sleep the first 100 times you ask?

Friday, January 21, 2011

The great Unknown

I have only been a parent for 12 years,
and as such, I know absolutely nothing about teenagers. I may have already accumulated 37 years of child rearing experience, but none of that prepares me for the tasks that lie ahead.

I feel this especially strong as I did my best to skip over my own teenage-hood in search of a real life. I wanted to take responsibility and do real world things and my parents let me. I went to college at 16, opened my first business at 17. When I was 12 I started doing a lot of the cooking, meal planning and grocery shopping. I had no interest in driving a car until we moved 20 miles out of town and I needed the transportation. I had no interests in parties. I just wanted to study, dance and stay up late holding real conversations with my dad.

If anything I wasn't so much a teenager as an Adult in Training.

I really wasn't interested in the milestones of growing up, prom, graduation or first date never inticsed me to dreams or actions, cars were nothing more then dangerous tools to be used with care.

I never felt a bone of rebellion until I attended a dance camp in Canada where one of the main teachers was hypocritical. And in this state of rebellion, I colored my pointe shoes as the American Flag and wore them to class. I still remembered her face when she saw them- utter shock at such insolence- In her high shrieks at such a dastardly deed, I was thrown out of class. I never had to say a word.

Early teenage hood, I think was much harder then later. I had a new body and new hormones, and weren't quite sure how to handle either one. I remember my mom's frustration at how easily I broke into tears, and the confusion of what clothes I could wear vs what clothes I should wear . It was way to easy to draw attention to myself in all the wrong ways. My saving grace was that I really didn't care about guys yet or what they thought about me. In fact, in my memory there is really nothing more turn-offish then the stupidity and crassness of the 6th and 7th grade boys.

The problem is that I now have a 6th grade boy. One with a constantly changing body and a certain kind of stupidity that reminds me about what I hated most about middle school. I can't go home to escape from him or have my brother answer the phone when he calls me for the 100th time in the night.

I find that my oldest child is always the hardest. He is the one always making me blaze the new parental trails in my life. I had some idea what to do for my second and third and was giving advice to our pediatrician by the 4th (he asked me because he just had a new baby). I now feel very experienced in babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and even elementary schoolers- but teenage-hood??

If I allowed my self to be scared of the future- it is not peak oil that makes my heart beat harder- it is the unknown of parenting a household of teenagers- for the next 20 years!!!

Maybe I should have considered all the responsibility I wanted as an "Adult in Training "- because having 6 kid- this is the fate I caused myself.

It is probably a good thing birth control isn't retroactive.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Eternally Pregnant

this is the phase of pregnancy that the feeling of being eternally pregnant kicks in. Pregnancy started so long ago, the belly has been huge forever, only now its so huge that you can't eat, sleep, breath or walk, and there is no end in sight.

The value of room service, bell hops and valet parking finally make the expensive hotels seem worth their money.... only you don't want anything they have on their menus. All you want is a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And that is why is spend even more money to get the executive level is for that there is a staff person there who tries to cater to your every need, and you can get your pb&j unless she has gone off duty at 11pm, after stuffing you with fresh baked cookies and milk. sigh

And now I am home again- after playing my own bell hop- not so fun when it involves waddling up and down 3 flights of stairs with several toddlers. And I miss the cookies and milk, but most of all housekeeping.

But at least at home when I waddle to the bathroom every hour all night long, I can take a nice big drink of the water from the sink. It may keep me peeing, but it also keeps me from being one dried out pea pod in the morning. I shouldn't rattle when you shake me.