Sunday, October 02, 2016

I lied to my daughter

My kids know who Santa is and that if they want to get paid by the tooth fairy that they got to dig through my purse for coins. I have tried not to lie to my kids, but a few months ago when something in a box, high on a shelf in my bedroom, began to vibrate, I lied.

She said "what's that?"
I instinctively responded "a toy."
She asked to see it.
 I said "no, its for Christmas."
She said " Please can I see it? I wont tell anyone."
"No, its a surprise."

She has no idea what kind of surprise it is. Its the kind she'll figure out someday, sometime after she's married (I hope), in the middle of love making she'll pause and say "Oh MY. I just figured out what was vibrating that day in my parents' bedroom. All this time I was waiting for a remote control toy for Christmas."

Then, depending on her maturity and age, She will either by grossed out or impressed. Grossed out, because youngsters like to think sex is for the young. Or impressed because your grandparents still do it, and you hope, for their sake that personal lube is sold by the gallon at Costco.

I've always wondered why old people shop at Costco, its not like they have a small army to feed, but every Tuesday by 10:30 am there are lines of old couples checking out of Costco, each with 2 items in thier carts.One is the gallon of lube. The other is an item they picked up just to make it look like their only reason to go to Costco was not the lube.

And that, my friends, helps me to understand why people look forward to retirement and cruise ships.

1 comment:

Grace said...

I DIED laughing while reading this, thank you for being so refreshingly honest and blunt! (maybe not with your daughter, but she may be a bit young anyway, your call) This is pretty inspiring to me, I'm a bit of a blunt bitch and thought I was going to have to censor myself for class. But I'm not going to now, so thanks. :)