Friday, February 10, 2006

Truths about marriage

I have a friend going through a rough time in her marriage,
so I've been trying to think about how to help. Words about the only thing I can come up with, since I have no right to dirrectly interfer.

1. Marriage is tough sometimes, but it is tougher not to be married (any more, especially if there are kids invovled. ) One can easily think divorce will get you out of your marriage challanges. It doesnt. It just puts you in a whole new and bigger ring of challanges.

2. Marriage is about relying on each other, for your physical and emotional needs.

3. Men need to feel needed. They need to know they can provide for your needs. They also need to feel appreated.

4. Women need to feel charished and special.

5. When a women appreactes her man (with cookies, a nice dinner or a hug and soft wispers of thanks) the man then feels free to do things for her. The more the women appreachates the man, the more the man can do.

6. When a man charishes a women, a women then feels like she can give physically to him, and great sex can happens.

7. When a man charishes his women, then the women is more able to appreachate the man.

8. When a women is angry or feels like the man didn't help enough, it is because she didn't ask him to help, and then didn't praise him enough when he did do it. Women can often just pitch in and help with other women, but a man is not that way, he sees it as interferring unless he is asked. He aslo has a narrow field of view. That is he won't even see the sheets ready for the bed, or the hamburger on the counter waiting to be browned. Women have to accept this a a fact about men and learn to ask- politly for the help she needs. Then she has to be paitent and give the man enough time to finish the task he is doing before starting yours.

9. When a women critizes a man, he takes it hard. It dirrectly shrinks the help center of his brain. The only way to sucessfully cristize a man is when it is posative critism, and also contains lots of praise for even trying it at all. Like if you send your man to the store for yogurt, and he comes back with the wrong brand. Thank him! Thank Him! he has charted un known territories because he loves you. Use the yogurt, happily. Next time he goes to the store, tell him the brand, size and flavor you want him to buy- write it down. Then praise him forever is he comes home with the right stuff.

10. Men are fagile creatures emotionally- we may not see it, but they are. So treat them that way. When there is a problem you need to dicuss with him. Find a nice quiet time, feed him some praise for what you see that you like, then calmly open up the dissusion floor with what you are seeing and how that makes you feel and think. Listen to his side, eco it back to him. Make sure you both understand each others positions, then mutually brain storm on how to solve the problem and decide together on the plan of action. Follow through. Make sure if the man has to do something that you give him enough praise and love over it.

11. Have I empithized praise, love and the power of posative interactions?

12. Think ahead, dealing with a man is not unlike dealing with a child. Don't assume they know what to do, and also dont assume you are doing everything right.

13. Cuddle!! physical closeness can help bring you together emotionally. If watching TV, sit next to eachother. Walk over to where he is reading, or playing just to rub his head, give him a gental hug. When he leaves, kiss him. When he comes home be happy he is home and greet him with a warm adn tender embrace. Tell him how much you need him. Make him his favorite pie and you will see those stars of love in his eyes.

14. Never say the D word. You know which word I mean. Don't say it, don't think it. It can make you stop working at marriage, which will lead to the D.

15. Take time to be togther alone. On dates, trips to the store, or for a few hours during the day when you both have the day off. You need time together with out the kids.

16. Work together, solve problems together, play together, pray together.

17.. See family and marriage as eternal in nature and act accordingly. Understand that it is the fundemental unit of society, and that a country's strength comes from the strength of its familes. Realise that there is nothing better for your child then to show love and respect for your other half.

Well, That's it. 8 years of marriage, and that is all I know.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sorry your friend is going thru some hard times.
To the friend- Hang in there and keep trying. If you want to have the perfect mate you have to be one yourself.