The realities of come to bare themselves in my mind and life that 5 kids is a lot of work, and throw in a few special needs kids and it becomes a ton of work.
And so after the birth of baby five, I have come to realize that i have reached the limit of my abilities. I have learned that any more balls to juggle will cause some to be dropped, and so I have decided to carry the most important balls first and slowly and carefully put the other ones down and walk away. That is the real reason Round Belly must close. That and the fact that it can't pay me for the work I do, therefore it is not logical to allow more important balls to drop in it's name.
My sister refers to 5 kids as the 5 K marathon, one which she did not train for, but she is now trying to run. And I have slowly built up to it, but when you are running the full 5 K marathon, there is not time for devoted attention to go elsewhere, or you end up running into a tree or something. Near misses is as close as I like to get to trees- especially at my current pace.
As the dollars ability to stretch decreases I find that I have to spend more time on the basics of life. More time cleaning and cooking and growing food. It takes lots of hours in the kitchen to make enough from scratch (ie grind the wheat, then make the bread) to fill all the bellies of my growing boys. Yet I know this is the direction we need to keep heading to maintain our family's food security in the coming years- and health now.
Overall, I find it rather amazing that there is a limit to my time and resources. Most of my life I could always do more. I often carried 21 credits in college and still spent time coloring pictures to avoid boredom. I have spent months at a time working 60 hours a week- at nights and evenings- while being a mom during the day while my husband went to school. And over the last 5 years devoted to growing a business only to find out that the larger business structure drove me nuts, so I changed tactics and brought it back home,,, which was doable for a while, but this year has been enough of a challenge already that the most precious (and new) egg in my basket deserves more then just glancing enjoyment. She deserves my devoted attention, and the other, older eggs do too. Family relationships are eternal. Money will all turn to dust.
Basically I am the sole mommy figure to 5 people and a devoted wife figure the the 6th. I do cathing and enemas, I read bedtime stories and chase after kids having autistic fits. I bake from scratch and love to create things from fabric. I spend weeks every year at the Mayo clinic and yet seldom see a doctor for myself. All day there is some one calling "Mom" and desiring my attention.
I have learned that my time is now valuable. Many people value it and almost all desire it. And yet I still like to give it away in droves to all who ask. That's what mommies do.
SuperMoms are those who can keep running their 5 K marathons because they have learned to pace themselves- and watch out for trees.