You know pregnancy this time around just feels tougher. I've been blaming it on being in my mid (gasp) 30s. Joke about letting the 20-somethings have the responsibility, to bare the children. (I popped out 4 in my twenties and all of them combined was easier then Shannon and this new one).

But actually I figure there is something going on. Having twins would explain the extra burden it seems like I'm carrying. And that seems like the best possibility to to cultivate on the matter.

I sleep enough to be pregnant with 2, sometimes I eat enough to be pregnant with 2. I'm big enough to be pregnant with 2, my digestive system is weird enough (probably squished) to be expecting 2.

This is where my thoughts end on the subject right not, and my brain shuts down if I sit down for more then a minute.

Morning Missionaries

Ever heard the joke about the Elder who got confused and said to the lady when she opened her door; "Good Mormon, I'm a morning missionary?"

Traditionally, my response would have been "I'm sorry, but I don't do mornings."

That being said, I have now been up at 6:30 two mornings in a row making a nice breakfast for the family. I blame it on the baby. When the baby is hungry, I gotta eat- and so I might as well make enough for everyone.

Of course the opposite and equal reaction to this effect is that I want to be left utterly and completely alone by 10pm and then end up eating a midnight snack ( halfway through brushing my teeth). My kids don't like it when I lock the doors and take a long bath at 10 pm. They all seem to think that Mommy doesn't deserve time off and that help getting dressed can only happen by one certified by the Mommy Board.

So even though I tried to stay in the bathtub until all were asleep, they refused to go asleep until I could all help them with their issues. And I truly think when it comes to it that being a morning person is truely dependant on the amount (and quality) of sleep one gets the night before.

That being said, I am enchanted by the stories of Amish farm wives who get their houses scrubbed, have laundry on the line, and then manage to have a baby, all before noon. I am enchanted by the stories of how carfully they care for thier land and thier families and how life and all the decisions on which technology to use is based on how it will influence family life. Here we seem to base those decisions on trial and error rather then thinking them out before hand.

We have said no to TV (although we watch a lot of DVDs), and we say no to video games, but yes to a washer and dryer. We wash an average of 10 loads of sheets per week around here and without those tools this house would stink due to some special medical issues.

In many ways I want to become more like the Amish. I want to learn to take care of my stuff carefully, to be connected with my land, to have everything neat and tidy and look forward to the work of everyday items as the breath of life.

Many of these changes are very hard coming from a society in which we are taught to throw away and buy new on credit or the economy will crash and you will loose your jobs. But the change, no matter how hard is not only good for us, but probably essential.

Baby talk

Oh was I hungry this morning! I woke up at 5 am with the desire to eat, but ignored it as long as I could, but 7 am I was out of bed scrambling eggs and toast.

This baby has been a bit picky- very much so about what I eat and when and has popped out of my belly at an alarming rate. I outgrew my bra size by week 6- the first time in 12 years I have changed bra sizes. The last time it happened I was pregnant with Galen. I went at that point from a nice pleasant 36 C to a huge 38 DD, and I have stayed at the 38DD every since- through 5 more pregnancies... this going up again was a bit of a shock.

And then my belly has been poofing out at alarming speed, but 8 weeks I was out of my regular clothes and into stretchy... but 11 weeks I was wearing full maternity clothes (this usually doesn't happen until around 20 weeks), These changes and a few interesting dreams have made us kinda wonder if we might be expecting more then 1.

In an early dream we were asked to adopt a boy by the church. So we went and picked him up and he was stranger until the second I took him into my arms and held him to me- then he was mine. The message of that dream was clear: that we would be having another boy. The adoption was on a spiritual level. The boy was planning to go to another family, but they decided they were done with having children and now he needed new parents. I cried at this because I couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to turn down a spirit that you know and love just because you had forgotten about it and decided against for "Economic" reasons.

Then just a few nights ago I dreamed that my brother had twins and named them "Ketchup and Chutney." Chutney was the child we know as Nahni and Ketchup was that same boy from the first dream. And when I saw him I said "I know you." and he replied back. I can't remember the words he said- but it was in the affirmative.

Since we are kinda planning this to be our last pregnancy, I am personally imagining 1 boy and 1 girl, since we are still missing our Arwen.

Only 1 thing is for certain though, there is something(s) in my belly that kicks and has a strong heartbeat at 165. The rest we will find out next month at the ultrasound.

night densities

How come it takes until morning before you realize that 1 little Tylenol would have let you sleep all night?

Do we really become that dense when we are trying to sleep that we don't realize the reason the baby isn't sleeping is because she isn't feeling well.

After her tossing and turning on top of me all night I finally got her off to sleep this morning. And of , course like every good pregnant mom who has had no sleep the night before, I am going off to bed too.