I plan to live to be 100!

While contemplating my goals in life, and how that relates with weather or not to do some permanent birth control, I was really torn about it, wanting to both enjoy my time as a mother and also perusing and making really good use of a medical degree (nutritional neurology, here I come!)

So tonight, Ian was asking me about retirement. And I answered that I never plan on retiring, that I want to live to be 100 and use every precious day of it to the advantage of my fellow human beings. I realized that gave me 65 more years!

Wow- I have accomplished a lot in my 35 years, what am I going to accomplish in my next 65?

Here are my absolute plans:

1. Raise beautiful and inquisitive children that question everything and reach out and drag the answers out of the universe.
2. Learn, learn, learn, learn
3. Act, Act , Act, Act
4. Teach, Share and help others question everything and act.
5. Spend years serving the Lord, become one of those Mold people (Mormon + old) that have the energy to run around serving in Temples and and substitute teaching and serve everywhere they can. You know it's a Mold when you see a big smile under a crown of white curly hair (only mine might be white braided hair) who always know just the right thing to say to uplift those around them and whispers words of confidence when you need them most.
6.  Then be changed in a twinkling of an eye and continue my work.

Now my tenative plans:

1. Go to med school, study under nutritional and neurological professionals.
2. Work with special needs children (ie... everyone) and their families and uncover their problems, hopefully using a nutritional approach the vast majority of time.
3. Work for many, many years, gathering research and experience.
4. Share this research and experience.
5. "Retire" (at about age 90) into Mold-dom and then spend the last years of my mortality running around just to serve the Lord.

So, now I need to act as these are my goals. ... nutrition, exercise and learning and living :)

still pregnant

I'm still pregnant, but just want to be left alone to die in peace.
I probably wouldn't feel that way if I was actually dying, but right now, I feel miserable and really just want my own quiet space to be left alone in.

Perhaps I am still trying to make room in my life for this baby and it's not coming easily.

And of course I am ridiculously hormonal and very easy to make cry.

I feel sorry for everyone who has to be around me.

What to eat when you are starving, but have no room for anything

I have read a lot of different opinions on what to eat when you are expecting, only the authors always seem to forget the last few weeks of pregnancy.

An article on that should be entitled "What to eat when you are starving, but have no room for anything."

I feel like that this morning. Baby is sitting in my ribs (but hasn't vacated my abdomen either). She is getting bigger and wanting to lay down the last layers of fat on her before she is born. However, I have been luckily to eat more then 1 peach at a time.

This also means that I can't bend over or take in enough oxygen to completely satisfy my system.

I have been convinced that babies neither know or care what discomforts they make you endure. A parents only satisfaction in that is hoping they become a grandparent someday and their kids learn first hand what troubles they caused just by being a baby.

Of course, I am not saying it's not worth the effort. The greatest joys in life (and the greatest sorrows) come from watching the antics of your little ones as you raise them and see them grow into real men and women. And then you are so proud of them. And when you stop to think about it, you are often proud of yourself, that you somehow managed to let them/ help them survive long enough to make it to adult hood.

I am the mother of 7. The things that made my scream and rant when my first couple were 2 year olds now make me giggle with my 6th being 2. Baby and toddler-hood gets a lot easier with experience. The oldest, braving new worlds of high school- freedom-experience- driving and other things are the ones that still cause stress. It is new territory for us. We have never parented through those phases before.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand... feeding yourself and baby when there is no room to eat. I just opened the fridge, looked at the fruit, veggies, hummus and meats. It all sounds nauseating, even though I am hungry. Maybe I will try some ice cream (vegan).

Neuton's 3rd Law in action.

Part of the problem in living life is that every action we take has an equal and opposite reaction. Some are obvious other are hidden for weeks, months or years. We often base our actions on the obvious ones, and teach our kids to do the same. "You do your chore, you get computer time." But sometimes it is not that easy.

For example; when we moved into this house several years ago my daughter, who was a very light sleeper, had the bedroom next to the bathroom. I soon learned that if I aspired to a good night's rest then I better not do anything to disturb her while she slept. The meant that I couldn't flush the toilet while she was sleeping without the risk of waking her. I soon realized that it made the most sense to let it mellow if its yellow, but if its brown, flush it down.

Well, my other children all thought that if Mommy didn't have to flush the toilet at night, then they needn't flush the toilet, ever. So almost every time I walk into any bathroom in the house, it needs a good flushing. When its 85 degrees, then sometimes I even notice they need a good flushing from several rooms away.

We have discussed this in family meetings. The dogs have patiently waited for the toilets to get flushed, just so the could drink from it.

Is it seriously that hard to flush a toilet? Or will I always regret the year of trying not to share my bed with my toddler?

Impending 7th birth

I haven't blogged much about the impending birth of my 7th child. It is hard to add further information to what I have already blogged on the topic of grandmultiparas.

All I know is that I am tired and ornery and already dilating ( a whole 1 cm!)...but slowly. Baby isn't scheduled for another month, but when it is 89 degrees outside you stop caring too much and tell your little one she can come as long as she is developed enough to breathe and have her liver kick in. And I also know that every time I move, walk, change laundry, try to sit up.... it feels like a decent contraction, but it is hard to be sure with the baby big enough that all you feel is baby bones every time you touch your overwhelmingly large belly.

I have finally started nesting, cleaning things and sewing curtains and table clothes and the like. I have also already washed the stuff I need immediately for baby- bedding and clothing and lots of well loved receiving blankets. Some are the same ones that I used for my first baby (and all since). And I made sure to put the emergency birth kits in the cars.

It is amazing how much peace of mind it gives me know that no matter where baby decides to come that all I have to do is have someone run out to the car and I will have the necessary supplies to birth without fear (and hopefully make it safely home with baby with no medical interventions!)

We had to take Reuben's toddler bed out of his room today. I found him this morning standing on it , leaning out his upstairs window, in which he had already knocked out his screen. Yeah.... He's not strong enough to move his new big boy bed. It was a good thing we had warm sunshine this morning, or else the mosquito horde would have stolen my son away, or left him as a withered husk.

Vegan Rhubarb Pumpkin Bars

ok- Here is an Idea my pregnant tastebuds wanted that actually turned out really well. 10 minutes out of the oven and it is gone. Not bad considering when I mentioned the idea to my family they all looked at me as if I was crazy. (which I am, but that's another post).

VEGAN RHUBARB PUMPKIN BARS

Mix:
2 cups whole wheat flour (fresh ground is best)
cinnamon (to taste)
nutmeg (to taste)
ginger (to taste)
cloves (to taste)
Baking soda 1 tsp
Baking powder 2 tsp
dash of salt

Then add:
1/2 c ground flax
3/4 cup water
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin
1 cup natural applesauce
2 mushed ripe bananas

Now add:
2 cups sliced rhubarb
1/4 cup maple syrup

Mix and pour into greased pan. Sprinkle with pecans. Bake at 350 until done _ about 30 minutes.

Awesome with dairy free cream cheese style frosting.

Dress well, thy part.

So let me ask a few questions. Does one go to a business meeting in a bathrobe or swim suit? What would happen if you did? You would turn a few heads, be snickered at, perhaps asked to go home and change, or maybe even get fired?

Does one get married in their grubbies? Or go to the fancy restaurant in the same clothes you use for scrubbing a toilet?

How many hours does the average lady spend in front of a mirror everyday to look the way she thinks is her?

Does not every stage costumer purposely construct the look of the character down to the smallest details to tell you what you need to know about them before they even open their mouth?

Do we not dress for the parts we play everyday?

And if so, then it is only reasonable to assume that if we dress like we are seeking male sexual attention that we would then get male sexual attentions? (ie, if you dress like a slut, you are must likely going to be treated like a slut.)

But wait- You don’t want this attention? Then just maybe you should consider dressing for the kind of attention you wish to receive.

I just finished reading an article that complained about the school asking the girls to refrain from wearing tight pants and belly showing shirts to school because they “distracts the boys.” They writer of the article claims that it teaches girls that they are to blame for how the boys treat them, and this creates the “rape culture.”

Seriously, we are now blaming men for the fact that they are hard wired to look at girls?

Yes, ideally, real men will look and never touch, and treat you like a respected equal no matter what you are wearing. But let’s face it, it is hard for the best of us to do that, (not to mention 12 year old boys) we try, but we still judge others on how they present themselves, and quiet often we treat them according to how they dress and behave.

So either you can agree with the writer and believe dress codes blame girls for being raped. Or you can accept the fact humans are humans and subject to biological follies, and use that to your advantage.

And one more word: if you drink to much and walk down dark alleys alone at night, it is not the “rape culture” that will get you. It is your own stupidity. Years ago there were a lot of concrete rules to prevent women from behaving in those ways that were most likely to compromise them.  Dark alleys and drunk girls are putting themselves in compromised situations, no matter what the decade or century is. Yes, the raper is guilty, 100%, but you most likely could have prevented it had you first thought about the possible consequences.

Make new plans, and think twice about the old?

When you make  new friends you can keep the old.

Hotel reservations are not always the same way, even though we may feel attached to them like an old friend.

This week Mike and I made plans to head the Autism Conference of MN. AUSM has and awesome conference, dealing with a lot of timely issues for us. Like starting Galen's transition into adulthood and some behavior/emotional things we are dealing with with Clayton.

We have also just spent 2 weeks at the Mayo with Clay and Ian. Clay was ran through a series of Psyc tests and Ian just had his normal button change and yearly update visit.

Our family is also moving forward on a extended (like lots of family) family trip to Disney World this fall.

And naturally , not only do our financial budgets not allow us to do it all, but our emotional and personal energy budgets not allow us to do it all.

It is kind of a bummer though, as I have given up a plan for a trip that feels a lot like and old friend. In December we decided to go to Nauvoo, ILL (a very nice church historical site) and hang around there for several days after we saw the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in the Twin Cities.  The plan seemed to work and was very affordable.

I love Nauvoo, I spend a whole semester there studying church history in college and have always wanted to take my children back there. I have yet to see that Temple, that I just knew would be rebuilt, and thought it would mesh real nice with the study of Church History and and Doctrine and Covenants this year.

But, alas, one can not do everything at once. Not only will I be about 35 weeks pregnant, but I will also have just finished school semester and a lot of traveling (for me) this spring. Then of course, we will have the baby this summer and then 6 weeks later head off to Florida.  There is just not time and energy (or money) for everything.

Like wise, during the time frame of the trip to FL, there was an opening in a midwifery class that I have been interested in. My SIL (also an aspiring midwife) is planning on going and asked me if I was too, but the new baby puts a fairly big crimp on educational plans, which is one reason why we are going to FL this year rather then next year. Next year, I plan to be taking lab classes again, because my aspiration to midwife will continue.... (I plan to become a Dr Midwife (hold a Doctorate in midwifery).... and someday I will go to the Farm and take their course, because I believe they hold lots of good information that med school does not offer, that I can then use in my work settings.

Yup, we can't do everything at once. The most important question for us is what is the most important thing to be doing now? (and then do as many of them as you can do well with your time and energy and budget constraints).

And for me, that is still Mother and Wifehood.... followed by my educational path.

I have learned that nothing brings as much happiness as my babies to me. Even when they start to grow up on you (le sigh). So I would rather have this baby now and love her up right. Life will provide time for me to do everything else it has in store for me.

A week for what?

A week at the Mayo Clinic, and I am not impressed. Clay has some issues with rage fits or seizure type things that seem strongly related to his learning problems. But the problem with doctors is that they don't believe what they don't see.

Day 1 was psyc testing. Clay was very well behaved that day. He did show some resistance to challenging tasks- which helps a little. So the psyc says there could be some underlining performance anxiety and suggested we use a different curriculum for education.

The next day with met with a psychiatrist. He said Clay seems perfectly adjusted and we are doing a great job with him. Again Clay was in a great mood that day. He suggested we use a sticker chart (like a mom of 6 never thought of that!?)

Then Clay got tired of it all and his mood changed. By the meeting with the Sleep Doctor he refused to open his mouth or let her even let her listen to his heart, so his sleep study was canceled. She also didn't seem to know how to handle him at all.

Our last meeting was with the neurologist. He didn't do a careful job reading Clay's file (neither did the sleep Dr) and was surprised Clay was showing good eye contact, because he thought Clay had a diagnosis of autism. Then I explained he was tested for autism and wasn't autistic. But that he had memory challenges and has a Jekyll and Hyde issue in his behavior. He did a little reflex check. Said it looked like depression to him, bad enough to medicate, and referred him back to psyc. But he did agree to do a bunch of blood screenings, just to rule out those things.

The blood draw tech was impressive. He managed to get Clay happy to cooperate by explaining exactly what was going to happen.

Going forward (besides changing his curriculum, which I already decided to do), I think we are going to have to catch videos of his fits so the silly doctors can see what we are talking about. Personally, I would really like Clay to get an EEG, with some stimulation of stress to see what happens in that brain when he is hulking.

This looks like a possible issue- http://www.thebarrow.org/Neurological_Services/Brain_Tumor_Center/Hypothalamic_Hamartomas/203773
In which case we would like an MRI please.

Conversation hearts for married couples

Sweet candy saying for the love of your life.... of course because we love each other so much our hearts would have to be big enough to communicate properly.

Let's put the kids 2 bed early tonight

yeah, I'm 2 tired 2

maybe in the morning

4 U I'd make something besides chicken nuggets

I'm doing dishes 2 turn U on

Do you have a mint?

A back rub would B nice

quick, lock the doors

hold that thought

Pregnancy Bucket List?

This will probably be my last pregnancy, although one doesn't know for sure until it is too late to have one, and as a result of spending 74 months of my last 15 years pregnant, I have kinda  taken it for granted. I have always gotten pregnant before I every thought "gee, we should work on getting pregnant."

But this time it's a little different. I am a little older. The pregnancy is a little tougher. I have other things I am preparing to do in my life then birth babies (like help other people birth babies). This could very well be our last and I have never taken the time to celebrate the miracle that pregnancy and birth is. I have never taken the time to honor the process or make memories or mementos of it.

I think maybe this time I will.

I would like to do some belly picture, maybe a belly cast....
maybe we will do little cutsie baby photos- I've always enjoyed Anne Gedde's work.

I would like to birth at home again. Just me and baby and family.

Be jealous deep thought!

When I dreamed that the long sought for answer to "life, the universe, and everything" was broccoli, I rolled over and went back to sleep.

When I dreamed the sunken treasure we just painstakingly pulled from the depth of the sea was broccoli, I rolled over and went back to sleep, but couldn't.

Ugh, Baby! You win again.

Hence, at 2 am, I am cooking broccoli.

The greatest riches in life are
the laughter of children
and the child like wonderment at mysteries of the universe.

A New One

In all my experiences of motherhood, in my illustrious 15 year career, I have dealt with lots of poop.

I have scrubbed poop off of walls, cribs and carpets (get it well it's still wet, when it dries it becomes plaster.)

I have scrubbed hallways with trails of watery diarrhea from bedrooms to bathrooms.

I have changed mountains of diapers,
and cloth diapered- washing poop off in sinks and toilets before laundering them.

and I have routinely emeamed my son with sacral agensis.

I have dealt with lots of poop.

But today- I got a new one.

We sat down for lunch and Roo was eating. He left the table for a few minutes then came back and began to eat again (with his fingers). Only this time I smelled pooh. I looked over and saw Roo eating with brown hands.

"Roo, what's on your hands?" I asked.

I walked closer and it was definitively  pooh. 

There was no other sign of pooh- no dog pooh to play with, no pooh on the floor, just a little in his diaper. He must have stuck his hands in there to see what he made for that minute he was away from the table.- Kids at this age do that all the time. They just don't usually try to eat lunch with their hands that way.

YUCK

Pumpkin, Oatmeal, Raisin, Chocolate Chip Cookies

AKA: Raya Cookies

My cookies have evolved again. In effort to make them allergen free (for my family) and healthier I have changed out fat for pumpkin. To make them lighter, I add home ground oat flour.  Ect, ect.

Here is the current version:

Raya Cookies:

MIX:
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin or equivalent squash

2 Tbs olive oil
lots of cinnamon
1 cont grape juice concentrate (defrosted)
1 cont water (I use the empty concentrate cont)
1 Tbs baking soda

ADD:
4 cups whole wheat flour (freshly ground is best)
4 cups oats ground in a blender- some texture left is awesome
raisins, nuts, and chocolate chips to taste

Drop onto sprayed cookie sheet (they won't spread, so many can fit on a sheet). and Bake at 350 for 10 minutes.

This recipe makes about 3 cookie sheets full- if your toddler doesn't get to them first.

Working Theory

I have a working theory into why I am going so crazy in this pregnancy. Every smell, every sound, every taste (except greens or chocolate) drive me nuts.

Its driving my husband nuts too. I love him, as long as... he has showered today, doesn't wear any deoderant, doesn't breathe on me and also doesn't smell of garlic. He would like to cuddle, but I have erected a wall around me that goes out about 4 feet. Some nights he feels lucky he is still allowed in bed. (Good thing it's a king).

I see this:
1. wearing maternity clothes at 8 weeks, belly keeps growing.
2. going crazy twice as fast as normal.
3. can't handle eating, even things that a minute ago I was sure I couldn't live out.

I think this: maybe I have  2 little ones who each have completely different tastes and opinions about what they like ruling my life.

Yup- kids can be like that. They will argue just to see  how crazy they can drive you.

Either that or this kid is out to get me.